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A close cousin to this is abusers trying to control the narrative of what happened. Their denials fall apart when several survivors come forward, so they try to limit contact and make sure only the abuser's story is heard. https://twitter.com/jasoncomix/status/1286370700601720836
Some common tactics abusers employ:
1) Insisting on talking with people in one-on-one settings, relying on their ability to lie and seem sympathetic to discredit victims.
2) Painting their victims as "my crazy ex" and making it seem like a survivor's demands are unreasonable.
1) Insisting on talking with people in one-on-one settings, relying on their ability to lie and seem sympathetic to discredit victims.
2) Painting their victims as "my crazy ex" and making it seem like a survivor's demands are unreasonable.
(you'll notice @DJFundo has done #1 a lot. #2 is so common it's done by pretty much everyone who has been accused in the past several weeks).
3) Blocking/muting/limiting who can comment on social media.
3) Blocking/muting/limiting who can comment on social media.
(When the abuser can limit what their friends/fans/accomplices know about a situation, they can more easily manipulate the sentiments about themselves. Remember, they have to feel like they're in control!)
4) Appealing to others to stick up for them, tell their side, etc.
4) Appealing to others to stick up for them, tell their side, etc.
(when they don't have to argue their case themselves, abusers can hide almost completely from accusations and survivors and just go about their lives. Sometimes they move or change jobs or whatever and just start over, looking for new communities to victimize)
5) The phantom statement. Saying things like "I'm thinking hard about this, I promise a detailed statement is coming soon!" and then the statement never materializes. It's a stalling tactic. (I think we're going on 3+ weeks of waiting for @dematlas's promised statement)
It's important to see these things and understand what they are. It's easy to want to believe someone you know and care about. It's human nature to want to trust people close to us. But we also have a responsibility to be advocates for survivors. To make sure they get justice.
