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The most important lesson I learned in trying to overcome a lot of bad thinking was that there is no "fair" in this life.
There only is what is. When you accept that existential truth you can move forward a lot more easily. It can be an enormous obstruction to growth.
There only is what is. When you accept that existential truth you can move forward a lot more easily. It can be an enormous obstruction to growth.
My CPTSD is the result of a lot of things in my life I'll spare you the gory details of here. I wasn't in a position to make many choices when they happened, and I certainly couldn't have avoided many of those experiences.
It's unfair I have to do the work to process the trauma.
It's unfair I have to do the work to process the trauma.
I spent a lot of years stuck on that point. Why the fuck should I have to do soul ripping work to overcome trauma that other people inflicted? First I get tormented and then get saddled with the effort of getting past it?
Yup. Life on Earth is incredibly unfair to the majority.
Yup. Life on Earth is incredibly unfair to the majority.
There are billions of people around the world similarly fucked over with no recourse against their abusers. It's not unique to me, and to think so would be absurdly egotistical.
I can either get to that work or continue to suffer the aftermath and be isolated by toxic behavior.
I can either get to that work or continue to suffer the aftermath and be isolated by toxic behavior.
The longer you put off the work the worse it will be when you get to it. That pile of emotional debris isn't getting any smaller in social isolation, going in circles waiting for someone to correct the injustice.
Superman isn't coming. I accepted that and got to work.
Superman isn't coming. I accepted that and got to work.
Years into that work it's definitely yeilded rewards. I have things I assumed weren't available for me to enjoy in life, like a loving partner and mostly peaceful home (flooding notwithstanding).
I never would have enjoyed those things if I remained obstinate about it all.
I never would have enjoyed those things if I remained obstinate about it all.
The reality is that no matter how badly you've been wronged you're definitely in good company that way. It's a world full of wrong. Human civilization produces a lot of things in surplus but justice and fairness aren't counted among them.
Accept that sooner rather than later.
Accept that sooner rather than later.
Many religions tell us that the universe balances out on the aggregate. It would be a woeful misinterpretation of those faiths to assume that means you'll see that karma level out in the blink of an eye that is your entire existence.
It's a hard swallow but well worth it.
It's a hard swallow but well worth it.
Quite often our faith in psychiatry and other forms of modern medicine act as a stumbling block in this acceptance problem.
You might find a suitable instructor, but the work will always be yours to do. There's no pill for trauma, just a lot of hard work to be done.
You might find a suitable instructor, but the work will always be yours to do. There's no pill for trauma, just a lot of hard work to be done.
I went to many professionals looking for that pill, or perhaps I thought it would be a surgery... whatever I imagined I would find wasn't there.
I was looking for a passive solution. Take it from me, that solution isn't out there. Just false hope and frustration.
I was looking for a passive solution. Take it from me, that solution isn't out there. Just false hope and frustration.
Those demons you're avoiding wrestling with cannot be tamed passively. They're in need of a lot of acceptance, and better thinking has to be practiced like any skill.
Quite often the first job on the trauma to do list is getting away from things that keep you from healing.
Quite often the first job on the trauma to do list is getting away from things that keep you from healing.
Trauma becomes familiar, even comfortable in a strange way. We've practiced being angry and victimized for so long, and empowerment is alien to us.
Embrace the strangeness of the unfamiliar, it is your pathway to a better outlook and satisfying results. New skills are shaky.
Embrace the strangeness of the unfamiliar, it is your pathway to a better outlook and satisfying results. New skills are shaky.
If you're on the brink of giving up on life you can find the freedom in that to seek better environs. If you're already set on your own destruction what is to be lost by plunging into the unknown and searching for your own safe place/people?
There's nothing to be lost in losing.
There's nothing to be lost in losing.
Of course you're going to be wobbly in your first efforts. You didn't tie your shoes right the first time, or leap on a bike and pedal through the Tour De France without practice.
Similarly you won't feel elation the first time you try, or trust without some uncertainty.
Similarly you won't feel elation the first time you try, or trust without some uncertainty.
The upside of the odds being so terrible is that the rewards are magnified by the difficulty of the task.
Success in healing is the most fulfilling thing you will ever experience. Since suffering is guaranteed in inaction, it's a win/win scenario from a certain point of view.
Success in healing is the most fulfilling thing you will ever experience. Since suffering is guaranteed in inaction, it's a win/win scenario from a certain point of view.
It's unfair, and never easy, but it is in the long run possible and rewarding. If you're trapped in your own darkest moments then you aren't about to experience worse by doing the work than you will if you refuse.
At least you'll be able to say they didn't stop you from trying.
At least you'll be able to say they didn't stop you from trying.
