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A brief thread on why it’s harmful to say that you conceived or delivered your child “naturally" and what to say instead.
It seems pretty innocuous, sure. But the opposite of “natural” is “unnatural.” Unnatural means bad and wrong. No on wants to be unnatural.
It seems pretty innocuous, sure. But the opposite of “natural” is “unnatural.” Unnatural means bad and wrong. No on wants to be unnatural.
We have a HUGE preference for “natural” things.
Natural food, natural skincare, natural everything.
To be natural is to be good, pure, typical, and healthy. When we say something is “unnatural” we’re saying it's bad, strange and wrong.
Natural food, natural skincare, natural everything.
To be natural is to be good, pure, typical, and healthy. When we say something is “unnatural” we’re saying it's bad, strange and wrong.
And yeah, I know you’re not actually saying that someone who did IUI/IVF to conceive did it “unnaturally.” That's not something people really say. I know.
But when you say that you got pregnant naturally, that’s the implication.
But when you say that you got pregnant naturally, that’s the implication.
Doing things the “natural” way hasn’t worked for me and my husband, so we've have to turn to medicine and science.
It feels horrible enough as it is to have to do this to start our family; when people casually say the way they did it was the “natural” way, I feel even worse.
It feels horrible enough as it is to have to do this to start our family; when people casually say the way they did it was the “natural” way, I feel even worse.
Which brings me to my next point: where is the line between conception happening “naturally” and “unnaturally”?
Sure, IUIs and IVF are certainly on the far end of the spectrum from intercourse. But there're lots of things between the two - where does it stop becoming "natural"?
Sure, IUIs and IVF are certainly on the far end of the spectrum from intercourse. But there're lots of things between the two - where does it stop becoming "natural"?
Some infertile people have success with "medicated cycles" where they take medicine to increase the egg count and have ultrasounds to time their intercourse perfectly. That still involves sex. But also medicine that changes a reproductive organ. So is it "natural"?
What if you used ovulation predictor test strips to pinpoint your ovulation so you could time sex to the right few days? There’s nothing “natural” about those test strips.
Did you use an app to track your cycle? Nothing “natural” about brining tech into the picture.
Did you use an app to track your cycle? Nothing “natural” about brining tech into the picture.
One might argue that even timing intercourse to the fertile window makes it less “natural” than if you were simply not trying/not preventing and just having sex when you want to. So what does it mean to conceive “naturally,” really?
Nothing. To say you conceived "naturally" means nothing. All it does is put a value judgement on the method that worked for you, while putting us extremely unlucky infertile people into a category that has less value than the category you got to be in by pure chance.
What you should say instead is “unassisted.” That means you didn’t need medical assistance.
Also please don't say similar things to "natural" that imply what you did was good and right, such as “the normal way”, “regularly”, “the old fashioned way”, etc. Just say “unassisted.”
Also please don't say similar things to "natural" that imply what you did was good and right, such as “the normal way”, “regularly”, “the old fashioned way”, etc. Just say “unassisted.”
BTW, lots of infertile people say that people who have success unassisted get “free sex babies” - as opposed to our extremely expensive, medically-invasive-and-intense-to-create babies.
And if you got a free sex baby, you are fucking lucky and changing your language is the least you can do for those of us who have to go through pain and heartbreak to HOPEFULLY get a baby. Since there are no guarantees any amount of medical assistance will actually work.
(BTW I realized recently some people thing IVF is a 100% guaranteed method to get a baby. It is not. Not even close, depending on your diagnosis. Dispel that myth from your mind right now if you believe it!)
When it comes to how you gave birth, just say what it was: vaginal or cesarean section. “Natural” doesn’t convey what actually happened in either case. A vaginal delivery still involves a TON of science and medicine and intervention unless you're alone in the woods.
There are still enough weird feelings and shame and stigma around c-sections without people who delivered vaginally implying that anything else is unnatural.
tl;dr: You can get pregnant unassisted or through a fertility treatment. You can deliver a baby vaginally or by c-section. There is no "natural" for either of these occurrences. Please stop saying "natural" and use the proper term.
