And so it begins. I'm moving from an SSRI to an SNRI which means I've now graduated to a second line depression treatment. The next few weeks are going to be 'rocky' according to my GP as I wean off one and head onto another. I'm not looking forward to it but it's necessary.

I asked about the side effects and turns out my libido is still going to be affected so you can look forward to more hoofin' content and me complaining about my lack of sex drive.

I've lost interest in nearly everything. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do the basics. Honestly, my anxiety has been helpful in making sure I eat well and exercise but overall my mood, outlook and mental wellbeing have dipped dramatically.

There was a time when I thought I could come off medication. I'm now afraid that time won't come. There's nothing wrong with being on medication but it's a reminder that your head isn't where it's supposed to be. That you need something extra to function.

By posting about it, I'm hoping to remove my own stigma more than anything. I've also accepted now as I move to a second-line treatment that I have depression. I'm not making it up and it's not in my head. So that's something.

Anyway, I hate the saying 'it's ok not to be ok' because not being ok is fucking shit. I hate it. But I've come a long way in 2 and a half years and now it's time to try something new that will hopefully help me even more.

And it's ok to not have all the answers or to have to try a new treatment. It isn't a failure or an indictment on you personally. The brain is basically a big bag of nerves swimming around and those nerves fire in different ways. Mine are just a bit more stubborn.

Look after yourselves folks. it's a tough year for us all and it's a tough world in general.

Peace x