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I think one of the weird things that is really cranking up the pandemic stress is something people who've lived largely digital lives before already knew - the narrowing of the channel by using text has both the benefit and disadvantage of filtering clearly readable emotion.
And the thing is, it's insidious. It can lead to all sorts of miscommunication and tension you don't even notice.
For some folks, it makes things easier to understand, e.g. folks on the autism spectrum overwhelmed by having to negotiate meaning from too many channels at once
For some folks, it makes things easier to understand, e.g. folks on the autism spectrum overwhelmed by having to negotiate meaning from too many channels at once
(I say this from experience - my son has started to ask me to text him when I want something in the house, and it's reduced fights by about 50% because I "don't overwhelm" him.)
But also, one of the fantastic things about the human brain that will often work against you here is that the human brain spends a lot of time filling in the blanks. Your brain constantly interpolates perception from existing data, including inferences for data it doesn't have.
Think about blind spots - our brains literally fill in the blank, so to speak, for the blind spots on our retinas.
We do this a lot in communication too (and if you have the experience of having a BPD parent, for example, you probably do it a LOT more than others).
We do this a lot in communication too (and if you have the experience of having a BPD parent, for example, you probably do it a LOT more than others).
And so we have a tendency to see what's not there.
And writing is not just speaking - it takes real skill to write precisely and intentionally in your own language. Conveying emotional meaning is subtle and tricky and like any communication, requires negotation by both parties
And writing is not just speaking - it takes real skill to write precisely and intentionally in your own language. Conveying emotional meaning is subtle and tricky and like any communication, requires negotation by both parties
But there are no other external cues other than the speed of the communication and the text. And folks aren't generally going to say "did you actually mean X???" if it can be read in an offensive way.
I have a real issue with this - none of my colleagues are native speakers of English. And I find that PARTICULARLY with German-speaking colleagues, I forget to read what they are writing in English through the "this isn't a native-speaker lens".
Here's why this is REAL trouble:
Here's why this is REAL trouble:
I haven't really experimented with this much (I should, I could probably make a very funny video, but @flula makes a lot of jokes exploiting this kind of thing), but if translating German very very directly into English, especially if you don't speak English well, it sounds RUDE
And if you don't have the social background in the language, you can REALLY mess this up. Like, there are things that mean one thing and German and have a completely different set of horribly offensive connotations in English. We would say and do it differently. And worse:
A WHOLE lot of that is non-verbal.
Talk to anyone who has trouble processing non-verbal cues - not having access to that channel can change EVERYTHING.
Talk to anyone who has trouble processing non-verbal cues - not having access to that channel can change EVERYTHING.
So you're having a technical conversation with your German colleague, and she says, flat out, "Well that's just stupid," to something you've said.
In person, there's a smile on her face, an eyeroll, some tone to read. And "dumm" isn't usually as strong as "stupid" is in EN.
In person, there's a smile on her face, an eyeroll, some tone to read. And "dumm" isn't usually as strong as "stupid" is in EN.
In text, she just questioned your intelligence, your ability to do the job, and made a pretty ableist statement to boot.
And over time, even if you know better, this starts to add up.
And over time, even if you know better, this starts to add up.
So here we all are now, starved of our normal social and communications channels, irritated by a thousand different burrs we don't know are there, and we are just exhausted from THAT alone. And we don't see it.
Our brains start interpolating meaning from ALL sorts of things, because we don't hear the cues that situate a person's communication status (native language, register, fluency, etc), and it gets to us.
We fight more, or we hold it in (but we'd like to). We get hurt more.
We fight more, or we hold it in (but we'd like to). We get hurt more.
Even introverts like me who work 95% remotely need that other 5%, it turns out.
So I kinda think it increases our feelings of isolation and being misunderstood without us even knowing it.
And I think we should all try to recognise it and give both ourselves and others a break.
So I kinda think it increases our feelings of isolation and being misunderstood without us even knowing it.
And I think we should all try to recognise it and give both ourselves and others a break.
