I read two interviews with "The Unadoptables" author where she says she wanted to write about a group of "misfits" who refuse to conform to society's views of what's "acceptable" or "normal." Here's the thing, though:

Adoptees, foster youth, and former foster youth don't really get a choice like that. We're already outside of what society accepts as "normal." So are our families—the ones we had originally and the ones that raised us.

Did you know that in the early 20th century, unmarried women who got pregnant were declared "feebleminded," a made-up mental condition that their resulting child would have, too?

Taking "feebleminded" kids from their "feebleminded" mothers and adopting them out to charitable strangers was promoted as the only way to "save" such children and their futures. And we've never really escaped that unfounded stigma.

Society's obsessed with all the ways adoptees, kids in foster care, and former foster youth might be damaged or broken. When my parents adopted me, both sides of their families spouted warnings about all the damage and baggage I'd probably come with.

We come from "bad stock" with "bad genes" that make us "problems" for whoever ends up raising us. We "fail to bond" because of our "bad beginnings." We get "sent back" if adults decide we're a "bad fit" for them.

Agencies even have guides and advice for people who decide the child in their care is a "bad fit," targeted to the adults' comfort and reassurance and shifting the responsibility for a good or bad "fit" to the child in the process.

"This kid won't adapt or fit in despite all your love and effort. Don't blame yourself; find a child who *does* fit!"

"Unadoptable" is not some kind of whimsical misfit fairytale adventure. It's a very real, ever-present threat in child welfare and adoption—historically AND currently.

I don't think I've ever met a fellow adoptee who didn't have some level of fear about losing their parents' love and getting kicked out or "sent back" at some point during their childhood, myself included.

Orphans, adoptees, kids in foster care, former foster youth and our lives, experiences, fears, threats, losses, traits, trauma, the violations of our rights, & our survival mechanisms in a society that always sees us as "misfits" aren't areas to mine for entertainment. Stop it.

"I wanted to write about a group of children who empower each other, see their own worth, and carve out their own story rather than be forced to conform to someone else’s." That's a quote from the author in an interview.

I'm equally amused by and angry at that quote—being forced to conform to someone else's story could be the one-line autobiography of myself and lots of other adoptees and former foster youth I know.

I'm forwarding my psychiatrist's bill to the next person who exploits my community for entertainment profit.