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when i was around 6 my aunt who was a nun took me into a chapel to pray (her words were "talk with Jesus") and I returned and stage whispered to my mom, "Don't tell Aunt Zita but Jesus isn't in there." https://twitter.com/benjamindcrosby/status/1288987362085801984
my first words were george bush
one time me and my childhood best friend made an illustrated list of 1000 ways it was possible to accidentally die. one of my favorites was getting a skittle caught in your nose so you suffocate
still have a scar on my hand from when i was trying to cut barbie's hair off and the scissors slipped
i wrote a 12 page paper in the 6th grade on black holes
i used to get incredibly angry in elementary school when the neighborhood kids would come ask me to play outside and i would say, "sorry, I'm reading" and then close the door in their faces
along those same lines, i used to throw away birthday party invitations as soon as i received them
insisted very firmly that when we played war or pretended superpowers that all of our pretendings could be materially evinced. i.e. no fake guns (how do you know when you're shot?) only swords; the superpowers of healing or hypnosis were allowed but not air bending, etc.
i used to design underground cities in class complete with tunnels/markets/farms etc., and fill them with populations of "dot people," that is, i would slam my pencil down repeatedly on the paper loudly
okay one last one: older sister was babysitting me and invited her boyfriend or whatever over and they made out inside the pantry (now that i think about it, what the hell?) and she paid me a dollar not to tell my mom
cont. and so obviously i told my mom "[sister's name] paid me a dollar not to tell you something" and then demanded that my mother pay me five dollars to tell her the aforementioned information
a born grifter at age 7
i used to think the lyrics to "Higher Love" were "bake me a pie of love" instead of "Bring me a higher love" and boy was i enthusiastic about singing this, my favorite song,
