Thread by @eevee, psych: ah, i see you have ADD. i can tell, because literally [...]

psych: ah, i see you have ADD. i can tell, because literally my entire job is to understand such things

me: wow! amazing. thank you

psych: please fill out paperwork, and do an errand, and call us on the phone, and arrive 15 minutes early, and do not miss appointments

me: ah

this is funny joke but it's genuinely pretty disheartening that even the people whose entire job is to diagnose my brain problem — by listing off its consequences! — do not give a second thought to how those consequences might make their own practice kind of antagonistic

meanwhile they still think i have the insurance that lapsed almost a year ago, despite repeated failed attempts to bill it and repeated mentions from me that i do not have insurance. and they get paid for this! i'm paying /them/ but they crawl up /my/ ass

here is a story

when we first moved here, i couldn't find a single fucking psych in the whole city, so i went to an APN

when i went for a refill they wanted a pee test. i did not contain any pee, because i discarded all my pee before leaving the house, like a human being

i was then told that she would not be giving me any more "make my brain work literally at all" medicine because my inability to submit to a surprise pee test that had not ever been mentioned to me meant that i might be fucking selling the pills or something

i don't think medical professionals truly comprehend the weeks-long hells they're condemning folks to when they do this so casually

they just read "can't focus" in the DSM. but it really means being lost in a haze, all the time. endless agonizing boredom because NOTHING sticks

also this was after she lied to my face that the DEA doesn't like doctors prescribing controlled substances to people who are doing weed, in states where weed is legal, and made me waste two weeks of my life before she'd give me anything at all. (the DEA does not care)

incidentally i never did find a psych in this city. there are like 3 of them and they all work for the same weird mental health place, which seems to think all problems are depression — stingy on meds, huge emphasis on counseling

i drive up to denver instead

when i tried the place i first had to see some gatekeeping non-doctor, /twice/, wasting like an entire month on waiting for appointments, only to be told that there'd be like mandatory weekly counselling and probably no meds. how in the fuck does that help me in any way

i can barely hold a fucking conversation unmedicated but i'd love to have some neurotypical jackoff lecture me about planners and scheduling, like i've somehow gone three decades without encountering these concepts, while denying me the extant magic pill that fixes my brain

"See, if you just write things down, then you can do them. No need for drugs"

ACTUALLY NO THAT'S KIND OF THE WHOLE THING: I /DON'T/ DO THEM, BECAUSE I HAVE "DOESN'T FUCKING DO STUFF" SYNDROME

oh, and this was all after my /first/ attempt, which was some community health clinic or something. i went in and i guess my heart rate was super high so they gave me an ekg without... saying... anything, although the nurse commented that my pulse was already way lower

this was before i'd even seen a doctor. after the ekg he came in, did not mention the results, and said he wouldn't be giving me a stimulant because my pulse was way too high considering i was off my meds

i told him i had taken my last pill that morning. he had no response

at no point did he ask if, say, i have some kind of comorbid social anxiety that might flood me with fucking adrenaline when going to a new place to see a new person who will judge whether i spend the next several weeks able to think or not

wow this blew up, check out my soundcloud https://twitter.com/foxfluxDELUXE/status/1288396268977311744

https://twitter.com/foxfluxDELUXE/status/1288396268977311744

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