Imagine Sabito submitting for the first time. And I mean, actually, completely, submitting. No lip service, no tsundere-ness, no roleplay, him just. Finally, finally learning to relax and be vulnerable, after YEARS of trust building in a relationship

With falsehoods like "you must keep your emotions hidden" and "you aren't allowed to cry" wearing him down and sinking their fangs into his psyche, Sabito equates his self world with the respect he demands from those around him. Eternally confident, in control, and powerful

Even when servicing another or letting another use his body, he always would keep an air of pride around him. If he was prideful and confident, he would be a man to be respected, is what he thought. So if he ever dared to NOT be that... He "would be worthless," is what he thought

Slowly, slowly, with much pain and fear, Sabito learns to show his feelings and embrace his lover after he doms them one day. He takes in the quiet moments with them and just lets his heart open and feel the safety, the joy of intimacy, and he starts to want more of it.

He starts to want more hugs, more kisses, and softer encounters. Eventually, after a night of body-worship of his lover, he realizes that he wants to be wrapped up in that, too. He wants to be selfish one night, he realizes...first, he feels shame, and then deep rooted fear

Fear that he'd be seen as pathetic, as less of a person, as "not what they signed up for", and that all of his image that he truly felt was worth something, would not be seen as that by his lover. All because Sabito wanted to show his weakness

He has pride in who he is. Someone who fights for others, who raises up the weak, who protects and serves. But he fears, wrongly, that all of that would completely invalidated if he was laid on his back.

After years of practice communicating with his lover, of practice asking for certain play, Sabito knows how to ask for what he wants. All he has to do is ask for it, and his lover will answer. But asking for something like that is...

Sabito gathers his courage and approaches his lover. They share a hug and Sabito says that he wants to talk about a new scenario. His lover is interested, and Sabito... Shaking... describes a wedding night where he is the bride, laid on their back and taken with passion

Deep, scarlet shame, is all he can feel as he describes the scenario

And then, his lover embraces him and says, "yes, of course. I would love to! I'm so excited! Where should we have your 'honeymoon'?" And Sabito is so relieved, and yet still so stressed, he can barely answer

Sabito says, shakily, that it's going be really important to him. He says that he's scared, but still wants to. He asks if that's okay... And his lover just squeezes him tighter, strokes his hair, and says "I love you".

A few days later, Sabito and his lover are at a hot spring, enjoying a honeymoon package. Their room is connected to a private bath, and Sabito tells his lover, he's going to go clean up. It's a signal that he wants to start when he's back, and his lover nods.

Sabito enters a bathroom and leans against the closed door behind him. His heart is pounding, and he feels like it's the first night with his lover all over again. All the virginal fears that he had come back, stronger than before, because this time he's going to be the recipient

He takes time in the bathroom to clean himself up and prepare his body for sex. It's not his first time bottoming, and he knows the motions. When he's done, he leans on the sink and takes time to just breathe. He tells himself that he is safe and loved, and sex isn't logical

Sabito looks himself in the mirror and takes in what he sees. He's a strong man with a lot to give the world, he reminds himself. Showing anyone his weakness will not invalidate that. Submitting to his lover in sex does not mean he will become worthless.

He breathes deeply...

And then, he lets himself slip into a different mind.
A Sabito that exists to love and be loved. A Sabito who won't put up walls or run away when he feels weak. He lets himself turn soft, and the magnitude of that is inexpressible

He opens the door of the bathroom, face red. His lover is looking out the window, but turns and smiles to him when he arrives. His lover reaches out their hand to Sabito, and Sabito slowly walks forward, takes that hand, and lets himself slowly fall into his lover's arms.

His lover nuzzles Sabito's hair and praises him. "Your hair is such a beautiful color, and so soft, all fluffy. I love it. I love you, Sabito... I want you."
Sabito grips at the clothes of his lover desperately, as if to ground himself. His breathing is already so fast.

His lovers hands slide slowly around Sabito's body. They are perverted hands and linger in many places to grope or play with Sabito. But, the slow caress is calming, and it helps Sabito immensely, letting him catch his breath again.

His lover says it again. "I want you."

And, Sabito whimpers, a quiet "yes".

He doesn't say it, but he thinks, "take me, and mark me as yours".

He doesn't have the courage to say that, not yet. But that is what he feels, deep inside.

(( I'm gonna stop this drabble here because it's getting really long. I'll compile it, and the rest of it when I finish, into a proper format soon!!))