I got an email recently from a cis partner of a trans person. They were getting separated. The reason, I was told, is because the trans person didn't feel supported or respected in their transition. The cis person was gutted. They thought they'd been doing everything "right".
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When the trans partner started seeking support for their transition, the cis partner asked the center if there was any counselling/groups/etc for the partner of the one transitioning. No, the center said. This is about the trans person's journey, not yours.
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And I get that. I mean the trans person should be the focus. But the cis partner felt completely lost & did their best to be supportive without any help. Months later, the trans partner is hurt that it wasn't enough, the cis partner feels terrible, and their family is broken.
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This isn't the first story I've heard like this. The supports for partners/family members are so minimal and we don't all start from the same place. If we want to help trans people, we also need to make sure they have families who KNOW how to affirm properly.
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Family members need a place to share our fears, unlearn our misconceptions, face our ingrained transphobia in a safe place to work through it without harming our trans loved ones, and become the people they need us to be. That help should be readily available.
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Just putting that out there because I'm feeling sad for families who don't have that support. Healthy families make for happy lives. Relationships going through any change need support for all involved. We can get there, but we need to decide it's important.
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