I've been teetotalin' and one thing I've been thinking about is that it's pretty lousy that all media teaches you that drinking is a good thing to do when you're sad. When my brain is already a jenga tower, I don't want to shake the table with anything.

I envision drinking again, but I want to associate it with, I dunno, fun socializing and weddings. In cartoons and shit growing up, I associated having a drink being something one does at the end of a bad day to feel good. In my experience, that never works.

It almost never works in media either, but it's still sort of romanticized. For me, alcohol is like a mood intensifier. if I'm happy, I'll likely be more happy. But if I'm sad, and especially if I'm alone, that shit is a one way trip to the bottom of an ocean of despair.

In my early 20s, I think I actually had something of a problem with drinking. I got over it, but there was a stretch of a couple of years where I would describe my drinking as pretty problematic. Lots of sad drinking, lots of lonely drinking, lots of day drinking.

Since the pandemic, I've basically taken the tact that my mind palace is held together with popsicle sticks and spit, and no amount of "It's wine o'clock!" aprons will convince me that it's a good idea to get drunk and stare at twitter.

Gary Butterfield: Straight Edge Icon.

(I take a weed gummi to help me sleep very frequently).