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On #InternationalFriendshipDay, it's important to remember that 1 in 10 people have no close friends/are part of a friend group, and days like this meant to celebrate friendship are just stark reminders that we are alone/lonely. 1/
I consider myself one of those 1 in 10. There are probably a lot of reasons for this. My family moved house half a dozen times by the time I was 18. As a result, I was the 'new kid' in school a lot. 2/
Being the new kid was an issue for two reasons: it wasn't conducive to enduring friendship, because we would move just as I was forming strong friendships. More importantly, it made me an easy target for bullying. 3/
I was bullied in every. single. school I went to. Sometimes it was physical (tho rarely), but it was overwhelmingly psychological. I didn't have a strong friend base to pull from for support. 4/
Obviously, as time went on, I built up walls. Like, massive walls, to stop people getting close to me. It was better than being hurt on a daily basis. 5/
There was one brief respite in High School, when I befriended a brilliant group of people who themselves were a little misfit-y. They were older than me, and they introduced me to music, gigs, driving aimlessly, and most importantly, what it felt like to have true friends. 6/
I still count them as the best friends I ever had. I was close to one of them in particular. But it occured to me the other day that they never thought of me the same way, since they had all known each other forever. I couldn't have the same bond with them. 7/
Unfortunately, since they were older they left school 2 years before me, and went to uni. When I turned 17, we moved house again, and I ended up in a strange place having left school, with no real way to make friends. 8/
So I ended up in a really dark place. I lost touch with that group of friends from High School. I struggled to make new friends. I went to uni at 24, and I was too old for the school-leaver students, and too young for the mature students. I didn't fit in. Again. 9/
Fast forward 11 years, and I'm now 35. I have one best friend and he is my wonderful husband. But because of a combination of my own barriers to friendship so I protect myself, and my lack of skills in making friends, I count myself friendless. 10/
This might surprise some, since people think I'm outgoing and friendly and welcoming - and I hope I am - but no-one ever truly gets past the barriers. And this makes things very very lonely. No-one to have coffee with. No-one to go to the cinema. No-one to talk to. 11/
So, by all means, and with fervour, celebrate your friendships on #InternationalFriendshipDay - you should! But remember the 1 in 10 who feel they can't, and wish this reminder didn't exist. Friendship is a gift, and I hope I get it again one day. 12/end
