For my COVID Update tonight, there’s a few things I have to get off my chest. I promise if you read it you won’t learn anything.

You know right now there are people who are passionately promoting a drug for a condition which they also passionately don’t think exists.

You know it’s 2020 when Demon Sperm isn’t the name of Brett Kavanaugh’s high school buddy.

Upon reflection, I do not think getting 5 common words in a row was so unimpressive.

I wonder if anybody is going to put on their resume the job called “seater of cardboard baseball fans.”

If I had known at the time, I would have requested more types of slippers for Hanukkah.

This is the year EVERYBODY is like “epidemiology isn’t so hard.”

It’s fascinating on some level that there’s a man who can look at 150,000 people dead and 30 million out of work, and is all “Hey, not bad. Not bad at all!”

Does anyone know if it’s possible to get an actual rash from watching Bill Barr on TV for 2 hours?

That Democratic primary seems like it was a century ago and I don’t remember if it ended.

I made a New Years resolution to get out more and it’s like every other one I’ve made where I have a convoluted excuse.

Thank God the Republican Party stood up to the president before the shit hit the fan.

I used to love mob movies but since I hate mob movie documentaries which is essentially what this is I’m finding a new genre.

All the people in Trump’s White House should put “seater of baseball fans” on their resumes as a cover during this period.

I think SNL is wrong and it’s probably Don Junior.

I was asked today by a Politico reporter why all the deaths in border towns are being ignored and I said “Because he’s a racist?” And the reporter was silent for quite a while.

Some people want their kids back at school to get an education but I think others don’t want to be around their kids all day long. They have more passion for the issue.

He puts kids in cages and won’t stop school shootings but I’m supposed to convince myself he wants what’s best for the kids?

There are a lot of people that have made a lot of profit off of the pandemic. When this whole thing is done and I’ve got some time, I’m going to try to find them.

Why don’t we just make a statue of Tom Cotton so we can have an auction and the winners can pull it down.

If you hear Joe Biden promise to do something “on Day 1” if he wins, can we make it Day 2 so we can all get a good night’s sleep first?

I’m going to stop there so you can wonder what else you would have done with these 5 minutes.