consequences are so hard but so important! 6 y/o + I try to agree upon logical consequences for bad behaviors, and recently we decided that if she yells at or hits her computer then it gets taken away, and in these moments she needs to pause + breathe.

after doing this a few times, I no longer have to take the computer away. she gets angry at the computer, and I either look at her or say her name, and she takes the cue to pause + breathe.

in the past, I've definitely struggled with avoiding punishment to the point at which I was too permissive. permissiveness *feeds* entitlement + bad behaviors. we can reject punishment + still be firm about consequences.

and reliable consequences can truly help change behaviors!

omg also! I say "in the past" but sometimes I'm still overly permissive! when you're working hard to reject punishment culture, sometimes it's hard to navigate how to still impose consequences. + sometimes you don't agree on consequences, but it's clear an intervention is needed.

I add this part just to say that building healthy relationships is ongoing work + always a work in progress. I'm always learning, and I shared this tidbit just to offer more ideas for folks who are navigating this right along with me.