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Thread: How I came back to Islam after being a murtad for 5 years
I left islam around late 2015 I say around that time because it’s the last time I prayed salah. I remember it well because I went from praying frequently to not at all.
Once I completely abandoned salah my doubts about Islam started. It was slow at first but then soon there was a snowball effect, I started watching debate videos about religion on YouTube and I found myself siding with the atheists.
Back then I didn’t think Muslims could have doubts about Islam I really thought I was an anomaly and that caused me a lot of stress, I spend many nights depressed and crying thinking Allah abandoned me yet I still didn’t pray instead I wanted to find fault in Islam
If you actively look for faults in something you will find it. So I thought to myself why don’t I research the Prophets life and try to find fault in that and I did with fabricated hadiths. I also had this feminist phase I was going through and I thought Islam was anti-woman.
Many of you people know me as that girl who use to speak against Islam. I got into many fights with Muslim Twitter and I would always distort Islam to fit my own narrative.
I never use to put in any research in the threads I use to make I just use to throw them together and wait for people to take the bait. It was honestly banter for me. This is why I can’t take ex-Muslims seriously now because we would all troll together.
When I was Muslim I felt like my life had a purpose and that I was working towards something, and that I always had Allah to turn to whenever I felt down. When I left Islam I lost all that and it caused me severe depression for years. And then COVID happened
My depression got worse because I could no longer go outside and distract myself with the dunya. Being in quarantine made me realise how unhappy I am with my life but whenever I got sad I would distract myself one night i was watching a movie American history X
In that movie there is a scene where one characters asks another “has anything you’ve done made your life better” and that question really stayed with me but I knew the answer was no. It made me think back to the last time I was truly happy and it was during Ramadan back when
I use to go to taraweeh prayer with my family. It made me miss being Muslim and having that genuine love around. For years I had my heart closed off to Islam I didn’t want to be convinced, I don’t even know why the shaytaan really had me Subhanallah
I was in lockdown and told myself I had nothing to lose why not speak to actual Muslims instead of going to anti-Muslim websites. I did it off Twitter because I truly believe this place is toxic and spoke with a couple of Muslims on discord, every question I asked was answered
To my satisfaction and I started to see the wisdom behind the answers I got. A part of me still didn’t want to accept it and find fault but can you find fault in the truth? No. I didn’t tell anyone but I reverted to Islam on the first night of Ramadan. I made a dua for Allah to
Guide me the right path. I took the shahada and fasted, prayed my salah. Back in April I was facing a big problem, one that was lingering for months. Something that was contributing a lot to my stress. I made a dua to Allah for it to be resolved and it was the very next day.
Let's just say I got a adrenaline rush of iman that day it went sky high and I was extremely grateful. I don’t know how to describe the feeling but I knew I was back home. I didn’t realise how much I missed praying salah till I finally prayed again. I felt at peace finally.
When I was going through life all these years I always felt like I had something missing, like a part of me wasn’t whole and I knew I couldn’t be happy. The missing part was Islam it was like a puzzle piece that got lost and all I have to say is alhamdulillah that I found it.
May Allah’s blessings be upon @Ash55319407 he took time out to speak to me privately on many occasions and made some of my doubts go away and he was very patient with me and always spoke to me kindly May Allah reward him immensely for all his efforts
