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Most of the time I am that Gay Christian™ on here, but I'm a therapist in my day job.
Specifically, a therapist who specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse.
What's been happening in my little corner of Twitter the last few days is deeply concerning.
Specifically, a therapist who specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse.
What's been happening in my little corner of Twitter the last few days is deeply concerning.
When faced with accusations of abuse in an organization, a board is faced with multiple decisions:
One of the first is liability. "What are the chances we are going to be taken to court, and if we are, are we at risk?"
One of the first is liability. "What are the chances we are going to be taken to court, and if we are, are we at risk?"
This is, of course, a priority. But, liability is not ethics, nor is it justice.
The only question liability asks is: "how can we protect ourselves?"
The only question liability asks is: "how can we protect ourselves?"
Thus, when a board hires attorneys to facilitate an "investigation" the attorneys are only interested in the *legal* implications of what happened. The only thing an investigation like this can conclude is what is at stake from a liability perspective.
What is legal is not always what is right.
Put yourself in the place of someone who has stepped forward to speak about abuse you have experienced at the hands of someone
Then, that person's *attorney* reaches out to you
Are you going to feel safe to talk to that attorney?
Then, that person's *attorney* reaches out to you
Are you going to feel safe to talk to that attorney?
From my understanding of legal proceedings (which, admittedly, is rudimentary), any other attorney would advise you to not say a WORD to an attorney representing the organization. Anything said can be used against you in court.
At the very least, you'd want your own attorney present before talking.
And this doesn't even begin to address what's happening emotionally.
And this doesn't even begin to address what's happening emotionally.
A person (with power), who has a board (with power), has brought in an attorney (with power), to conduct an "investigation"
Damn right you don't want to talk to that person
Damn right you don't want to talk to that person
Then, the “investigation” concludes, after none of the people involved give any input (rightly so), and the board publishes findings saying “see, nothing happened”
What is really being said is “there’s not sufficient legal evidence at this time.”
What is really being said is “there’s not sufficient legal evidence at this time.”
That is not the same as 'nothing happened.' It is not even close to addressing these allegations with sensitivity and care.
It would be more accurate to say "we have used systems of power to silence certain voices who do not have access to these same systems of power"
It would be more accurate to say "we have used systems of power to silence certain voices who do not have access to these same systems of power"
Now imagine, folks begin to speak up and say “wait, but no one has listened to us” and instead of being met with “you’re right, this just covered us legally” they’re met with more people in power and influence saying "what's the big deal?" "Healing doesn't come from your abuser"
This is what, in my world, we call gaslighting.
Y'all are familiar with the concept. It has hit popular vernacular. Unfortunately, many folks use that word--"I'm not gaslighting"--while gaslighting.
Y'all are familiar with the concept. It has hit popular vernacular. Unfortunately, many folks use that word--"I'm not gaslighting"--while gaslighting.
All of this functions to silence those accusing the person in power. None of this is actual justice, none of this is listening to people who have experienced harm, none of this is creating safety.
In fact, it does the opposite.
In fact, it does the opposite.
It shows that folks in power seem to have no interest in actually addressing concerns, instead, they're interested in protecting themselves legally and then wiping their hands.
This takes a profound toll on victims, and is so disheartening and infuriating.
This takes a profound toll on victims, and is so disheartening and infuriating.
To be a person on the receiving end of this is hard enough. To then to be expected to maintain composure, to be tone-policed, in the midst of being gaslight and invalidated, that's not just messed up, it's cruel.
And this is common, so common, in cycles of abuse.
And this is common, so common, in cycles of abuse.
For folks in power: this is not shaming, it is not mocking, it is not cancel culture.
You can use any buzzword you want, but at the core, you are being asked to be a person of integrity. You are being asked to listen, actually listen. And make decisions that work toward justice
You can use any buzzword you want, but at the core, you are being asked to be a person of integrity. You are being asked to listen, actually listen. And make decisions that work toward justice
It's hard to see this continued cycle of abuse play out on my twitter feed. But we have to call these dynamics for what they are: abuse. Abuse of power and abuse of influence.
Enough of this whitewashed, optical, surface, legal "transparency."
May there be actual justice.
May there be actual justice.
