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Finished reading Gary Chapman's Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married.
My take : Suitable for those in a serious relationship and/or thinking to settle down, a book narrating lessons to be learned from those who have been married
Here's the thread :
My take : Suitable for those in a serious relationship and/or thinking to settle down, a book narrating lessons to be learned from those who have been married
Here's the thread :
Examine intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual and physical foundations for marriage. Are you both compatible? Love isn't enough to build a satisfactory marriage. Being in love is an emotion that could last an average of 2 years.
When the euphoria is gone, you will be thinking if you are married to the wrong person. The differences between you two are mounting why. You wondered why?
It's normal. You are moving towards Stage Two of love. To express love effectively w/ your partner's love languages.
It's normal. You are moving towards Stage Two of love. To express love effectively w/ your partner's love languages.
Our communication patterns tend to follow our parents. We hardly able to recognize the patterns of communication that we bring to our relationship, so if you are irritated by your partner's way of communicating, speak about it for it can be changed whilst you are still dating.
You can solve disagreements without arguing. Conflicts are normal in every relationships including in marriage. The both of you are different humans with different desires, pet peeves, what you like etc. Conflicts don't mean you are with the wrong person. It means you are human.
Sometimes we thought our ideas are the best. Lest we forget our partner thinks the same way too. A conflict can make or break your relationship. It can be a potential growth to teach us how to love, support, care and encourage each other. It's how you process the conflict.
Instead of asking, " we need to talk " in resolving conflicts and differences...try, " can I have a listening time?"
Instead of doing things individual ways, try finding an 'us' way of doing things in a relationship. You can't have things 'your' way if you are in a partnership.
Instead of doing things individual ways, try finding an 'us' way of doing things in a relationship. You can't have things 'your' way if you are in a partnership.
Compromise after learning about each other's ideas and sides of story in a conflict. It's always easier said than done. It is but necessary to find a meeting place from two different sides of ideas and differences.
Three ways to solve a conflict :
1. Find meeting place in the middle
2. Meeting on your side
3. Meeting later
1. Find meeting place in the middle
2. Meeting on your side
3. Meeting later
Apologise where it's due and necessary. How to apologise?
1. Expressing regret
2. Accept responsibility
3. Making restitution
4. Genuinely show your desire to change
5. Request for forgiveness
Importantly, learn your partner's language of apology for them to judge your sincerity
1. Expressing regret
2. Accept responsibility
3. Making restitution
4. Genuinely show your desire to change
5. Request for forgiveness
Importantly, learn your partner's language of apology for them to judge your sincerity
Make a list of marital roles that you're good at before you get married. Marital roles are likely to follow the family you grown up with. Know what each other is good at. If one is good at managing finances and the other is good at paying bills, divide smartly.
Plan how to handle finances before you get marriage. Will your debt be an 'our' debt? Will your savings be 'our' savings?
Agree on how much to save, share and spend.
Agree on how much to save, share and spend.
That you are not just marrying the person. You're also marrying in to the family. Manage your expectations before hand as to holidays, visits, religious values, cultural values etc.
Learn how to :
1. Listen : to be an emphathetic listener
2. Negotiate : making requests, demanding something etc
3. Their love language : to communicate your love effectively.
1. Listen : to be an emphathetic listener
2. Negotiate : making requests, demanding something etc
3. Their love language : to communicate your love effectively.
Personality influences behavior. Often, one will attract the other :
1. The pessimist and optimist
2. The neatniks and slobs
3. The dead sea and babbling brook
4. Passives and aggressives
5. Professors and dancers
6. Organizer and Free Spirit
1. The pessimist and optimist
2. The neatniks and slobs
3. The dead sea and babbling brook
4. Passives and aggressives
5. Professors and dancers
6. Organizer and Free Spirit
When you figured these all out, you will eventually learn how to resolve conflicts and differences(or will realize there are conflicts that will never be resolved, and that's okay).
In another thread, I shall share from the book what to ask if you are dating someone to marry.
