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A quick but not eloquent reflection: some of that reason that people are struggling so hard to stay home during the pandemic is because they don’t like or love themselves. To be shut in the house is to have to keep company with yourself, and some of us aren’t good company.
You have to love yourself in order to practice hospitality with and for yourself. What does it look like for you to make your own mind and body a soft place to land, one that feels loving and comfortable?
When I see people partying and even protesting, I know that at least some of it, is about running from oneself. I remember how much I didn’t like or love myself in my 20s when I was living alone in a new place in stressful grad school.
Learning not to run from myself, learning to sit in all my stuff, was a discipline. A hard and scary one that I didn’t always feel like I could handle. But in doing it, I learned to defang my demons, quiet my critical mind, and pull up a cozy chair to myself.
Most of us aren’t built for endless solitude. I certainly am not. But I wish more spiritual leaders and mental health folks would be naming for folks that the reason home feels so unbearable to some of us...is us. And then give us some tools to cope.
The thing is: if you stick with it, you will learn the discipline of solitude (said by a Sag who hates the word discipline lol). But mostly I just want you to know, you gon’ be alright. Your demons won’t win. Be encouraged and tell your inner critic to STFU. Be kind to yourself.
