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Therapy! A thread.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health expert. I have been in and out of therapy for 12 years. I am a caretaker for a person under psychiatric care and in therapy. I have an anxiety disorder and dabble in depression occasionally. These are just my experiences.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health expert. I have been in and out of therapy for 12 years. I am a caretaker for a person under psychiatric care and in therapy. I have an anxiety disorder and dabble in depression occasionally. These are just my experiences.
You don’t have to talk to someone you don’t like. But I get the impulse to because it’s a massive PITA to fill out paperwork, schedule things, invest time and money, navigate insurance (or not). But if you have the bandwidth, don’t settle.
That being said — therapy is not a massage or yoga or a nap or a good vent session with a friend. It is often UNCOMFORTABLE and you will DREAD IT and you may be EXHAUSTED. So try to distinguish between “do I hate this person” or “do I hate this concept because it’s hard”
You might need situational help. You may be dealing with lifelong stuff. You probably have childhood stuff you can dig into. There’s no cut off line that establishes “needing therapy” and you’re not being [insert negative self talk] if you think you need some support
A new therapist may ask if you have goals for therapy. It is OKAY to not have goals. Just tell them that. “Can you help me establish goals? I’m not sure what I need but I do know I am not happy with the way I feel right now” for example. If you do have goals, share them!
A lot of therapy is structured around helping you feel better between appointments — putting together coping strategies. Developing a toolbox of shit you can reach for when you’re feeling rough.
This is where I feel friction. Sometimes it’s like wow I didn’t think of that thank you! And sometimes it’s like listen asshole I know what I SHOULD be doing but I can’t because I’m crying/stuck on the couch/miserable/spiraling/etc.
It’s a process.
It’s a process.
All of which to say here’s the takeaway I want to share: Consider documenting an action plan you can reach for when you’re struggling. It can be a menu. Things to try. Perhaps categorized by the level at which you’re struggling. (Always reach out to a pro if you’re in crisis.)
This framework is resonating with me: https://www.instagram.com/p/B-LVMDUDp6U/?igshid=1itrxkz0njqum
I don’t love “love languages” because I am not in a romantic relationship. That’s a me thing. Maybe they help you!
But this one helps me more.
I don’t love “love languages” because I am not in a romantic relationship. That’s a me thing. Maybe they help you!
But this one helps me more.
Specifically to feel safe in my body and mind, I need Structure and Certainty as well as Common Humanity.
I like the language around routes of safety because we all need to feel safe and so much harm and trauma happens in the spaces where we do not. Externally and internally.
I like the language around routes of safety because we all need to feel safe and so much harm and trauma happens in the spaces where we do not. Externally and internally.
Concrete next steps? I am going to write out a “menu” of things I can do that fulfill those two areas and I’m gonna fuckin’ laminate it. And I’m going to see if, when I feel lost in my head and/or unwell, I can pluck a few strategies from the list.
For me this will mean admitting to friends that I sometimes need them, and sometimes in specific ways. This is very hard for me. I have crushing fears of rejection and criticism and conflict.
But I feel bolstered by having something tangible I can do and prop myself up with.
But I feel bolstered by having something tangible I can do and prop myself up with.
For reference this is the backbone of the two routes of safety I align to, from here: https://www.instagram.com/p/B-LVMDUDp6U/?igshid=1itrxkz0njqum
TL;DR: therapy is hard, you’re very brave, everyone needs tools and a therapist can be helpful in identifying and sharpening the ones that make you feel better. Your brain is big and beautiful but sometimes it lies to you and sometimes your body doesn’t feel safe. I love you.
