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I got a mental health thread that is just ready to bubble out of me. It will start off with this premise: A lot of mental health advice, particularly from people with no experience with or expertise in mental health, is complete bullshit.
Let’s start w the unsolicited advice I received earlier from someone who totally downplayed my family’s financial progress simply because we’re not rich & we feel anxious about our finances in a pandemic:
“You need a good therapist!”
(Had nothing to do w my post but ok) /2
“You need a good therapist!”
(Had nothing to do w my post but ok) /2
I mean, hey, ideally we’d all have a therapist like the guy from In Treatment, but affordable and available and not projecting their own issues onto us. /3
But for various reasons, that’s a huge challenge. And for some people, searching for a therapist can do more harm than good. Yes, I said it. /4
But also, therapy is one tool to use to (hopefully) help work through issues and find a sounding board. It is not a cure-all. IT IS NOT A CURE-ALL. People who have put real effort into years of therapy ( 
) know this. /5
) know this. /5
Same goes for medication. Not a cure-all. Can be helpful, but YMMV. Some people have really bad side effects that make things worse. /6
Again, great tool in some cases, does not fix everything. /7
So how about: diet! Meditation! Exercise! Hydration! Sleep! Routine!
Again, YMMV, but here’s how it is for me: I eat a healthy diet, sleep 6-8 hours a night, exercise for at least an hour a day, drink 70 ml of water a day, and basically live by lists and routines, and... /8
Again, YMMV, but here’s how it is for me: I eat a healthy diet, sleep 6-8 hours a night, exercise for at least an hour a day, drink 70 ml of water a day, and basically live by lists and routines, and... /8
...I still feel like shit about every other day or so. I mean, without these things, maybe I’d *never* feel okay. But they don’t fix everything. Sorry. /9
Here’s the other thing: although we talk more now than we used to about mental health, few people are ready to accept the fact that a lot of mental health issues are not fun to deal with or witness. It’s painful and awful and people suffering act like... people in pain. /10
See: Kanye. People made fun of him and ughhhh I wish he hadn’t said such horrible things to his wife (who btw is amazing). But, his vulnerability does a favor by revealing how terrible it can actually be to live with it. I know it’s hard to watch. So imagine living with it. /11
Imagine living every day with your brain at various levels of ON FIRE and trying to just make it work anyway. Trying to raise kids, earn a living, meet your obligations, not do anything dumb, not act like a total asshole despite the fact that you feel like you’re burning. /12
Anyway, a lot of mental health advice from non-experts or “experts” who lack some empathy treats Brain On Fire as if it is the same thing as dealing with a scraped knee. /13
Anyway I’m just going to say this once - I don’t like to talk about it because this is like the mental health equivalent of having the plague and bc I am not a diagnosis - but I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder/CPTSD several yes back and it is a TASK... /14
...to keep this train on the fucking track. /15
So yeah, person who insulted me earlier, you did hurt me because I am a walking ball of feelings. But also you have nooooo idea what it’s taken to achieve this boring-looking, routine-driven, mostly financially stable life. /16
A lot of people don’t get to this point because they die by suicide. Because it is hard to live in a burning building. /17
So anyway, if anyone has the notion to glibly tell someone to “get a good therapist,” or share any other tired old piece of advice, let me suggest what you can do instead. /18
1. You can let the person be who they are. You can ENCOURAGE them to be who they are. Someone once told me, “Your sensitivity is a gift.” Do you know how freeing that felt? /19
If that person wants to write a blog post about how they’re struggling in a global crisis while people are dying by the thousands, you may want to thank them for sharing and encourage them to keep writing. /20
2. Don’t give advice unless asked. Just be there. Check in. Most importantly, don’t just ditch the person. It really isn’t hard. /21
3. Change the way you interact with the world. What’s that saying? “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” So many people - the majority of people! - are forever changed by trauma. Stop expecting ppl to be a caricature of a human. /22
That’s about it. You can’t solve someone’s mental health challenges but you can certainly make it easier for them by not expecting them to be someone they aren’t. You can show a little grace and acceptance. /23
And maybe just... I don’t know... can’t we just start commending people for showing up to this thing every day? For just bringing who they are to the world without expecting them to be a certain way? /24
Anyway, to wrap it up: a lot of the advice out there sucks because it doesn’t and can’t address the nuance and complexity and depth and intensity of what truly living with a chronic mental health condition involves. DONE.
