the importance of understanding that the trans experience is not universal goes beyond merely acknowledging the uniquely personal relationship that people have with their own gender, as it extends to ALL aspects of someone's life that may impact their transition in some way.

*zizek voice* whatdoimeanbythis?

well, the first half is reasonably simple and means exactly what it says on the surface, but it is key to growing comfortable with your own identity(especially when you are still questioning). it's incredibly common within cisnormative media to-

present the trans experience as a universal thing in which everyone can be fitted to. the idea that every trans person has known since they were a child, deeply hates their body and is constantly suffering, wistfully looks out the window every day with desire to conform, etc etc.

this is clearly harmful and untrue, both because it regularly only focuses on a single, exaggerated type of trans woman experience which neglects Literally Everyone Else and also because it makes trans women feel like they have to fit that in order to be considered "trans enough"

this is often where those feelings of "i can't be trans, i don't fit that!" originate from in questioning people which is why it's crucial to understand that your age, how you explore your gender, when you began questioning, how you choose to present, etc are all unique to YOU.

that being said: there are absolutely trends, commonalities, and shared experiences, because of course there are! it's what allows us to bond, form communities, and relate to one another. similarly, it's why it's important to share your own story (if you're comfortable, that is)-

because that allows questioners to hopefully have something a bit healthier to internalize(as cisnormative media is all that most people have seen)and potentially offer something that they might resonate with which helps too.

however, there are limits to this that must be noted.

this would be where the second half comes into play, as it's why things (such as the latest "trans women are programmers!" joke) are seen as rather tired and overdone. others have already written threads about this being a privileged white trans woman joke to make in most cases-

so i won't talk about that part much, although i must say that it's never out of malice but it does speak to a level of cluelessness and ignorance at the least. /r/traa especially is egregious for this and that's a longer topic that i'll write a thread about later, but i digress:

one big issue with jokes like these is that it can actually be fairly harmful to Literally Everyone Else in a way that kinda mirrors cisnormative media's effects except instead of it being external invalidation it's now internal (as in, coming from the community) with how it can-

make people feel like outsiders to places where they should theoretically feel safe and at home. now that's obviously not the intent of someone who is just trying to crack a joke about their own experience to fit in, but one must still be mindful of the framing of how they do it.

there's a potential element of facetiousness that must be noted, of course, but the difference between having a joke that describes your own personal experience versus one that prescribes to The Trans Experience is important. the former is all good, but the latter plays into-

the mistaken view of The Trans Experience being a singular entity with a cultural monolith whether intentionally or not, and as mentioned above, that has adverse effects on Literally Everyone Else which is obviously not ideal.

don't use it as an excuse to bully people though fr.