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<LIVETHREAD>
The Garden Slug of Tyranny is testifying!
LET'S SEE HOW DUMM IT GETS!
The Garden Slug of Tyranny is testifying!
LET'S SEE HOW DUMM IT GETS!
NADLER: Nice to finally see you, asshole. We created your job after the Civil War to have impartial justice.
Now we have...you.
Now we have...you.
NADLER: You, sir, by contrast to bipedal hominids of the most basic type, are a slimy shitbag running around our fine nation for a Russian-owned scumsucker.
NADLER: Mr. Barr, YOU SOMEHOW SUCK EVEN WORSE THAN JEFF SESSIONS. THINK ABOUT THAT, YOU F**K. WORSE THE KKKEEBLER ELF.
YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO DISGRACES. YOU SUCK AT SUCKING. I AM NOW CHANNELING HOW MUCH WE ALL DESPISE YOU.
YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO DISGRACES. YOU SUCK AT SUCKING. I AM NOW CHANNELING HOW MUCH WE ALL DESPISE YOU.
NADLER: TRUMP. JUSTICE. YOU. BAD. CORONAVIRUS. FUCK YOU. PILES OF DEAD BODIES. TEAR GAS. ALL THIS BULLSHIT. FUCK YOU. FUCK OFF. GET FUCKED.
So, we have some significant critiques of your work thus far.
So, we have some significant critiques of your work thus far.
NADLER: FUCK YOU, BARR. Dear G-d. The Constitution says Jim Jordan can talk. I'm sorry, everyone. It's the law. Gahhh.
JORDAN: SPYING. ON FOREIGN AGENTS. OBAMA DOSSIER STEELE SPY BIDEN SPYING!
SPYING SHOULD ONLY BE ON GORGEOUS MALE ATHLETES IN SHOWERS, NOT ON FOREIGN AGENTS!
SPYING SHOULD ONLY BE ON GORGEOUS MALE ATHLETES IN SHOWERS, NOT ON FOREIGN AGENTS!
JORDAN: THE INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY HAD NO PROOF OF RUSSIA. LESLIE WEXNER TOLD ME SO.
AND THEN THEY SPY. ON RUSSIAN AGENTS. NOT ON THE STEAMY BODIES OF WRESTLERS, THEIR SINEWS AND BICEPS AND BULGES PULSATING AGAINST THE WATER! THAT'S WRONG!
AND THEN THEY SPY. ON RUSSIAN AGENTS. NOT ON THE STEAMY BODIES OF WRESTLERS, THEIR SINEWS AND BICEPS AND BULGES PULSATING AGAINST THE WATER! THAT'S WRONG!
JORDAN: MIKE FLYNN! THEY SPIED ON HIM! AND THEY ONLY UNMASKED HIM SEVEN TIMES FROM TREASURY FINCEN, AND NOT ONE VIDEO OF THE MEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM IN THE HOT TUB!
(EG Note: Wait. Flynn got unmasked off of *seven* FISA warrants at Treasury FinCEN? Did we know that? Holy crap, that's a lot. BEFORE he was fired? I think Jordan just told us something useful!) 
*B-roll of every violent thing someone had in some archives*
*FOOTAGE THAT CLEARLY MEANS BARR SHOULD HAVE HIS OWN SHOCK TROOPS!*
*FOOTAGE THAT INDICATES BARR SHOULD COMMAND A WEHRMACHT JUST TO PROTECT STATUES*
*FOOTAGE OF LAFAYETTE PARK*
*FOOTAGE OF LINCOLN MEMORIAL BEFORE BARR TEAM SIX™ ARRIVED TO PROTECT IT FROM EIGHTH GRADERS*
NADLER: Wow, Jordan. That was against the rules, aaaaaand, fuck you sideways.
Now...Barr. Take an oath please, as if you give a shit.
BARR: Whatevs.
Now...Barr. Take an oath please, as if you give a shit.
BARR: Whatevs.
BARR: Sorry about Jimmy Walker dying. I loved him on Good Times.
I like justice and no urban violence and my personal paintball troops.
I like justice and no urban violence and my personal paintball troops.
BARR: I never knew Trump and there's no reason I'm Attorney General, in fact I have no backstory at all.
Anyhow. George Floyd. We needed new shock troops because racism is bad, something something.
Anyhow. George Floyd. We needed new shock troops because racism is bad, something something.
BARR: There are lots of black police officers, so this isn't a big deal. In fact, white guys get killed by cops, more in fact. I guess black people are paranoid.
Which is why I need to command shock troops someone hired away from GameStop.
Which is why I need to command shock troops someone hired away from GameStop.
BARR: I hate racism, mmkay. But police are awesome, and anti-police racism is something something
this is why I'm tear gassing people.
Also, did you know black men kill each other?
"Those black lives matter." (EG note: OH FUCK YOU FOR THAT LAST LINE, YOU BASTARD
)
this is why I'm tear gassing people.
Also, did you know black men kill each other?
"Those black lives matter." (EG note: OH FUCK YOU FOR THAT LAST LINE, YOU BASTARD
)
BARR: Someone spraypainted a court house, it's the only thing I can officially protect with SS BarrWaffen™ troops. So, anyhow, fuck your democracy.
NADLER: So. You're basically using DOJ to deploy shock troops. Buuuut, you only made one arrest.
BARR: Who cares.
NADLER: This looks like propaganda to help Trump. Did you rebrand existing projects for this campaign stunt?
BARR: Who cares.
NADLER: This looks like propaganda to help Trump. Did you rebrand existing projects for this campaign stunt?
BARR: We just don't like crime in cities. And then COVID happened. So then COVID squelched the other thing that's the same thing. And George Floyd. So, because COVID, we needed shock troops. Mission. Reduce crime. It's COVID's fault. So we tear gas Lafayette Park.
NADLER: Have you discussed Trump's campaign?
BARR: Maaaaaybe?
NADLER: So yes, you fuck.
BARR: Yes. We have.
BARR: Maaaaaybe?
NADLER: So yes, you fuck.
BARR: Yes. We have.
NADLER: So Barr Team Six™ is basically a Trump campaign tactic?
BARR: None of your beeswax.
NADLER: Fuck you. You're caught. You are causing domestic unrest and violence for campaign ads for that Russian-owned Mobster.
BARR: None of your beeswax.
NADLER: Fuck you. You're caught. You are causing domestic unrest and violence for campaign ads for that Russian-owned Mobster.
(EG Note: Dear Dems - thank you. Do this more.)
NADLER: Shame on you. Get fucked.
BARR: Operation Legend is for violence in cities. Barr Team Six™ is accidentally running into these protestors on accident.
NADLER: Fuck you.
NADLER: Shame on you. Get fucked.
BARR: Operation Legend is for violence in cities. Barr Team Six™ is accidentally running into these protestors on accident.
NADLER: Fuck you.
BARR: They're using lasers on police, so we're sending the BarrMacht™
Rep. JOHNSON (R-LA): Thank you. Thank you for your violence, your politics, and your huggable nature.
BARR: Thanks. I'm about justice. We didn't have it before. Now we have it.
Rep. JOHNSON (R-LA): Thank you. Thank you for your violence, your politics, and your huggable nature.
BARR: Thanks. I'm about justice. We didn't have it before. Now we have it.
BARR: I haven't even set up any kangaroo courts yet! Who have I fake indicted! I prosecuted Stone! Someone else wanted him not not not jailed prosecuted. The law is not being mean to friends of Trump, unless they have slingshots or laser pointers.
JOHNSON: Amen! Steele Dossier!
JOHNSON: Amen! Steele Dossier!
JOHNSON: Doesn't Eric Holder, who toughened up the FARA prosecutions, suck?
BARR: Yes, that's being mean to foreign agents. Eric Holder sucks.
BARR: Yes, that's being mean to foreign agents. Eric Holder sucks.
REP. LOFGREN: So you're engaging in domestic terrorism to cover up for Trump's election.
LOFGREN: You're collecting SIGINT on U.S. citizens at these protests en masse. Under what law?
BARR: Under the We're Looking At Crime Law! Also, FISA Abuse is terrible on Carter Page, though.
LOFGREN: So you're committing a bajillion felonies.
BARR: Under the We're Looking At Crime Law! Also, FISA Abuse is terrible on Carter Page, though.
LOFGREN: So you're committing a bajillion felonies.
REP. CHABOT: You have the right to shock troops like the BarrWaffen™, correct?
BARR: Yes, over - every inch of this country.
(EG Note: This is beyond insane.)
BARR: Yes, over - every inch of this country.
(EG Note: This is beyond insane.)
CHABOT: Someone had a rifle! Under the 2nd Amendment, can't the Federal Government deploy troops on every inch of everywhere?
BARR: Yes, having a weapon means the Federal Government is all powerful.
(EG Note: Wow. Um. Hope to hear from conservatives on this one.)
BARR: Yes, having a weapon means the Federal Government is all powerful.
(EG Note: Wow. Um. Hope to hear from conservatives on this one.)
CHABOT: Some call these people "stormtroopers."
BARR: That's wrong. Because of the last month of riots in Portland that never happened, they need pads and tampons and Nerf. And that's Barr Team Six™, the BarrWaffen™, Barr Team Delta Farce™ and others. Because liberty.
BARR: That's wrong. Because of the last month of riots in Portland that never happened, they need pads and tampons and Nerf. And that's Barr Team Six™, the BarrWaffen™, Barr Team Delta Farce™ and others. Because liberty.
JACKSON-LEE: John Lewis had a lot of trouble with violent law enforcement officers. So this is quite ironic.
BARR: I hate racism.
JACKSON-LEE: Really?
BARR: Well. There isn't any, but if there were any, I would.
BARR: I hate racism.
JACKSON-LEE: Really?
BARR: Well. There isn't any, but if there were any, I would.
GOHMERT: Americans are engaging in First Amendment World War III. Can you comment.
BARR: Barr Team Six™ is there to protect the police from Americans.
BARR: Barr Team Six™ is there to protect the police from Americans.
GOHMERT: Democrats love the Chinese Communist Party and COVID...um...um...uhhhh... so the BarrMacht™ should stop protests for COVID that Democrats throw? Also 1917 Bolshevik Mao...
(EG Note: is he hammered? this is bizarre)
(EG Note: is he hammered? this is bizarre)
GOHMERT: Did you know Russians used to conduct violent provocation operations against the U.S.? A guy calling himself conservative now used to do them! Told us all about them.
BARR: Uhhhhhhhhhhh
BARR: Uhhhhhhhhhhh
(EG Note: I think Gohmert just entered a topic that *perhaps* Barr knows plenty about...but this is not where he wants to really chat about it.)
COHEN: We. Have. Questions. About. The. Civil. Rights. Division. Get. Me?
BARR: Uhh...sure.
COHEN: YOU DEFILED LAFAYETTE PARK, THE WHITE HOUSE, AND A CHURCH, FUCKFACE. WHEN DID YOU PLAN THAT WITH TRUMP, ASSHOLE?
BARR: Uhh...sure.
COHEN: YOU DEFILED LAFAYETTE PARK, THE WHITE HOUSE, AND A CHURCH, FUCKFACE. WHEN DID YOU PLAN THAT WITH TRUMP, ASSHOLE?
BARR: I heard of it kind of in advance.
COHEN: SO YOU PLANNED IT, FUCKER. GOT IT. ALSO, YOU'RE BEATING UP MOTHERS YOU FUCKBALL.
CONVENIENT ABOUT EPSTEIN, TOO.
ALSO, FUCK YOU ABOUT THE MUELLER REPORT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. DID YOU RIDE A HORSE INTO TOWN? GET ME?
COHEN: SO YOU PLANNED IT, FUCKER. GOT IT. ALSO, YOU'RE BEATING UP MOTHERS YOU FUCKBALL.
CONVENIENT ABOUT EPSTEIN, TOO.
ALSO, FUCK YOU ABOUT THE MUELLER REPORT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. DID YOU RIDE A HORSE INTO TOWN? GET ME?
COHEN: 
(*listen to the audio from Cohen, this is pretty close)ALSO I WANT TO IMPEACH YOU
(*listen to the audio from Cohen, this is pretty close)ALSO I WANT TO IMPEACH YOU
COLLINS: "I believe the biggest problem you have is telling the truth."
(Not how he meant it, but funny.)
DEMOCRATS WANT PEOPLE TO BURN DOWN THE CAPITAL! IT'S 1812! MY DAD WAS A STATE TROOPER!
BARR: Yes.
(Not how he meant it, but funny.)
DEMOCRATS WANT PEOPLE TO BURN DOWN THE CAPITAL! IT'S 1812! MY DAD WAS A STATE TROOPER!
BARR: Yes.
COLLINS: Mike Flynn was innocent, right?
BARR: I asked around, and the FBI thought he was great.
BARR: I asked around, and the FBI thought he was great.
(EG: I need a necessary pause to detox from stupidity.)
SOMEONE ASK BARR ABOUT THIS: https://twitter.com/bpolitics/status/1288147985570897923?s=10
DEUTCH: You said you got Roger Stone out of jail because of his health. Was he in bad health?
BARR: (*yelling*) THE JUDGE AGREED WITH ME! AAAAAAGH!
DEUTCH: He threatened to kill a witness.
BARR: THE JUDGE AGREED WITH ME!!!
BARR: (*yelling*) THE JUDGE AGREED WITH ME! AAAAAAGH!
DEUTCH: He threatened to kill a witness.
BARR: THE JUDGE AGREED WITH ME!!!
(EG Note: I think Barr may be sensitive about the Flynn and Stone stuff 
)
)
