Celibacy for me has always been queer & will always be queer. But the more I listen to straight Christians talk about celibacy as my “cross to bear” the more the word gets stuck in my throat.

I’m starting to figure out why.

When does a straight Christian ever refer to their marriage as a “cross to bear”? If they do, it’s because their marriage sucks.

Nobody calls a good thing a “cross to bear” unless they mean it’s actually a terrible thing.

We KNOW that experiencing marriage as a “cross to bear” is not why ppl get married. So why do we think its the reason that ppl should be celibate?

By making celibacy a “cross to bear” Christians don’t need to take ownership of gay celibates being unhappy bcuz they’ve made unhappiness the point.

Why can’t gays that choose celibacy start demanding *happiness* from our celibacy? People get married bcuz they want to be happy. Why can’t we be celibate bcuz we want to be happy too?

There’s nothing wrong with gay celibates demanding a world where we choose to be celibate bcuz celibacy is something that actually makes people happy. We don’t need to accept a world where celibacy by default is miserable.

I want a world where choosing celibacy as a “cross to bear” makes absolutely no sense bcuz celibacy is a choice that is fulfilling and meaningful and life-giving and rich and full of love and happiness and good things.

But as long as gay celibates are expected to just “grin and bear it,” Christians won’t feel any real impetus to make that world a reality for all.

I didn’t choose celibacy bcuz I was looking for a “cross to bear” or bcuz I was resigning myself to a miserable life. I chose it bcuz it makes me happy.

Gay ppl deserve choices that make them happy. Gay celibates deserve a *celibacy* that makes them happy. Why does that feel so radical? It shouldn’t be.