Self reflection time... I should have waited longer before attempting a relationship again this year. Dating shouldn’t be removed from the table entirely because if he’s the one he’s the one... but a full on dedication-it was probably too soon. (1)

I’m catching myself reliving moments from my past and questioning if I could’ve should’ve would’ve what could have been different or better or what I should have caught differently. (2)

I didn’t cry when we broke up last year - I just knew it had to be. So when this recent short lived relationship went to pot I was devastated. Every feeling pent up from the fall came out at once. (3)

I was absolutely brutal on myself for missing so many things and for putting up with what I had. I cried days on end and it wasn’t about what was happening NOW... it’s about what HAPPENED then. Even moreso I was hard on myself and still am for jumping so soon. (4)

Even now, I’m still asked on dates, still flirted with and talked to and to be honest I have very little interest if any at all in opening myself to another relationship. Maybe not forever, but definitely for now. (5)

I find myself looking at attempts from people trying to get close - good people - and just not feeling like I have it in me to be fully open and authentic and cheerful. I can’t put on that face right now. (6)

That scares me a little. I’m 32 and never married with a 7yo child. Realistically I’m past what many would consider a viable age because the older I get the less available I become to men who might want a kid. And I’m angry a bit at that - that my younger years were wasted.(7)

Maybe angry at the ex a bit but a lot angry at myself for allowing the BS to continue for so long thinking we could make it through anything. (8)

And then there’s the fear. Fear of going alone. And the fear I might not ever truly open up again the same way. What if my becoming reserved is permanent? (9)

I know I’m not prepared yet for the relationship I want.

Such an odd thing to be the girl who really has everything and yet there’s still a big hole left in my life that’s very much not filled. (10)