Yanli wasn't plain. People just werent paying attention. And in a way, that's why she died. Yanli wasn't weak, she was emotionally self aware. Yanli's main problem is that she was a woman, regarded as plain for not being attractive, forced to be useless. Powerlessness killed her.

We all need love. We talk loads about how the lack of support and love affected deeply Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, but we never talk about how it affected Yanli. It looks like Yanli is a loved person, but not every giver is also a receiver, and that was her case.

What was Yanli to her family? What was Yanli to Madam Yu? An opportunity for an alliance. A plain dumb girl who lacked spine. A disappointment. What was Yanli to JFM? The sensible daughter that didn't give him problems therefore didn't get attention. His sweet daughter that can

take care of herself. We talk loads of how awful is to be taught that you have to be the best to succeed and live with the best. We never talk about how awful is to be so unimportant that there no expectations for you. We already have the good ones, thank you.

Her only duty was to be a good wife. She was a good at motherly stuff, her brothers the living proof, but she couldn't be desirable to be around. She could be yelled at that she was weak. She could be left to sleep on the streets just because she wasn't desirable enough.

She was never enough. And yet she still had to be sweet, kind, nice. This was the easy part, because she was. Bearing humiliation with a smile was the hard part.

If you think about it, Yanli and Wei Wuxian have a common trait. They will do whatever it takes for their family

but they will never try for themselves. Yanli doesn't fight back any humiliation. She lowers her head, reminded, again, that she's not enough. She's the plainest of the Yunmeng Trio. She's not worth having around. She's talentless.

Yanli is full of love and anyone can see that, but is harder to see that Yanli doesn't love herself. But love is all she has. She's not good at anything else besides making soup, but she knows the secret ingredient is love anyway. Yanli is forced to be reduced to love.

If Jiang Cheng's value is proven by being the best, her value is proven by how loved she is and how much love she can give. She has endless love to give, but she hardly receives any. Her sweet A-Xian, buying her bunnies, dragging her to play around, visiting with a paper man to

check on her.

«Scold me.» he tells her «At least I'll feel better.»

But she doesn't have it in her. Not now, that after another humiliation. After it was publicly stated, again, That she was useless and tasteless and not good enough to marry. She doesn't have it in her to

turn this gesture of love into a scolding. She needs it. She needs this love. She gives it back.

«Does the disciplinary whips hurt too much?»

She doesn't care about her that much to scold him anyway. It's not like it's his fault. If all of this didn't happen she would still

not be enough. Jin Zixuan would still not want to marry her.

When they're leaving Cloud Recesses her siblings start bickering again, and A-Xian, as always, tries to include her. He runs in circles around her, seeking protection from Jiang Cheng. He makes her laugh.

They're breadcrumbs, but she takes them. A-Xian trusts her, he needs her, he brings her joy. She doesn't move and doesn't stop this bickering, because now she's included and she likes it. She likes when her brothers play around her. She feels enough then.

I'll continue this tomorrow because I rlly want to make a whole analysis of her trajectory until she breaks and rushes to an active battlefield

After they leave Cloud Recesses, A-Xian goes missing leaving a note and I can't help but compare the two times WWX disappeared from Yanli's point of view. The first time he doesn't leave a note. He's heavily wounded and vanishes out of the blue, and we can see Yanli feeling tired

This is one of the first times of a very long list that people -in this case Jiang Cheng- tell her to sit still while they take care about the Wei Wuxian problem. We all know this scene, she falls and Jin Zixuan catches her.

Here, the humiliation of the lanterns hasn't

happened yet, and for a moment, it looks like he cares. It's a typical fairytale book scene, and I think that trucks Yanli the most, because she has never been special enough to have fairytale book scenes.

Anyway, back to Wei Wuxian disappearance. Wen Qing finds her.

Wen Qing takes care of her and later, JC&WWX appear. WWX jokes around "Surely, Shijie felt sick because she missed me very much" but you know? I think he has a point. In CQL, Yanli is a cultivator. We've seen them get badly hurt by emotional hurt, and Yanli's biggest fear is to

be alone. Wei Wuxian disappearing for two days after being heavily injured? We know her. She barely had a break searching for him and was worried sick. But there's also no scolding here. She just pets him because her lil bro is back and it's smiling at her like she's the best

person in the world, like she's truly special and irreplaceable, and Wei Wuxian is the only one who looks at her like that.

I think in that cottage, after being taken care of by Wen Qing and pampered by Wei Wuxian and seeing Jiang Cheng smiling and not bicker, she was truly

happy. I think this is one of the few times people truly were centered on her and paying her attention. Caring for her and loving her, and she's so starved of that.

The second time Wei Wuxian goes missing, he's not heavily wounded and he left a note.

But have you noticed how she's the only one who notices Jiang Cheng leaving after him?

She knows them both very well and she pays attention to their moves. If you think about it there was no other possible move Jiang Cheng would've made, but only she finds out.

I'm sure if Yanli hadn't been taught to be a good girl and sit still while the rest handle the problems, she would've gone after Wei Wuxian herself. And this is something that she's going to regret much, much later.

But then again, here it is, the powerlessness.

She constantly has to watch how the world moves and she stays stuck. She's not useful or good enough to do all these /important things/. Her brothers come and go, get in trouble and she has to sit and watch like a good lady. Because she's useless, isn't she? Madam Yu says it

Jiang Cheng asks "Do I have to go to the indoctrination?" She snaps back "WHO'S GONNA GO IF NOT YOU? YOUR SISTER?" /Your useless sister?/

My point with all of this is that Yanli has been slowly but surely raised out of her power. It's not like she could've been the strongest

cultivator, because I don't think she has much interest for the art of the sword and killing creatures, but whatever she had potential to become, she didn't become. Because they made her believe she didn't have any potential. She had to become a wife and she failed miserably.

Big time skip because the next time we see Yanli is after Wei Wuxian comes back from the Xuanwu Cave. Here's the "I want Shijie to wipe my face" moment. Jiang Cheng shames him again because doesn't he have arms? But Yanli complies with a smile, because it's those little details

that make her feel useful and needed. A-Xian is older now, he can do most of the things without the help of his older sister, but he still asks that kind of thing, and Yanli is never left out. Wei Wuxian makes her feel needed, pretty much because he needs her. He makes her feel

like she's loved and that he wants to be around her. "The only think I could think about was your soup"

For Wei Wuxian, Yanli isn't plain. Special is an understatement for her, and Yanli receives all that love like a little light that fights the rest of the world whispering

about how she doesn't deserve a bachelor like Jin Zixuan and how she isn't that much.

"I'll go make you more soup" Have you noticed how Yanli is always ready to make more soup? For sure it's because she likes making it, and her siblings like taking it and she likes that they l

like it. But I think there's something more, even unconsciously. We heard @wwxwashere's take that for Wei Wuxian food = love because of Yanli's soup, but I no reverse card this and I say that for Yanli making food = love because its THE ONLY THING that will surely give her

attention for their brothers and praise. "You're the best" "Your soup is the best" "It's delicious" "Thank you, Yanli" She never gets this level of attention or pampering for anything else. Wei Wuxian is used to everyone telling him he's extraordinary. Jiang Cheng himself may not

be the favorite of everyone, but Madam Yu certainly pampers him every once in a while and the disciples respect him for his hard work. Yanli is always invisible for everyone, but not when she makes soup. She's aware of the "making food = love" as much as Wei Wuxian is aware of

"food = love" but she acts on it anyway because that's operant conditioning for y'all.

And talking about operant conditioning, the next time we see Yanli she's sailing to Lanling!

Now this seems like a weird choice given that it's apparently JFM's decission.

JFM has to go to Lanling, that's not up for discussion. Sect Leader Yao has to be escorted there so he's safe and he has to fix their link with Jin Clan as much as he can, because that's what's going to save them from Wen Clan. Then, why take Yanli? Isn't she part of the problem?

Of course, the Boys have to stay home to defend Lotus Pier, but he's in a good relationship with the Jins. Even Madam Yu could've gone because she has an excellent relationship with Madam Jin. Is Yanli really necessary in all of this?
YES, Yes for the first time she is!

At first sight it looks like a disadvantage. Jin Zixuan doesn't like her and he seems to be the #1 defender of going against Wen Clan in Lanling, then why bring Yanli with you? What does Yanli have that the rest of the Yunmeng Trio doesn't?

Diplomatic skills.

"But Key" I hear you say "isn't Wei Wuxian an expert in that as well?" Yes he is but have you seen him lose his cool in front of Jin Zixuan? Just because he knows how to be diplomatic doesn't mean he actually puts it to use. But Yanli? Yanli maintains perfect etiquette even when

she's being humiliated.

And now that we have stated that Yanli has the /diplomatic skills/ of the family even when no one recognizes that, let's go back to this when she snaps them at Phoenix Mountain and continue with operant conditioning.

Madam Yu appears! But she calls only Yanli. And then she says it "Since you came this morning to say goodbye, I brought you something" and she gives her snacks and medicine for JFM. She doesn't talk or look at anyone else. Only Yanli, who was a /good daughter/ gets attention.

What does this mean? This just further proves that Madam Yu's love is conditional. She will love you if you are what she expects you to be, otherwise, you don't even deserve a glance. Except for JFM. She loves him unconditionally, but that's another thread https://twitter.com/xStalKey/status/1278605625539395584

I'm not going to rant about all the side effects of conditional love from a parent but I'll say that's basically one of the strongest pillars of Yanli's way of seeing herself and why she is in such need of love. She only is appreciated by her mother when she is what she's

supposed to be and she never succeeds to be strong enough, hierarchical enough, pretty enough, desirable enough. Madam Yu is someone who can hold Lotus Pier's defense by herself for an entire day, who will not take bullshit and there are rumours about how JFM cheated on her but

definitely not because she wasn't enough. Yanli doesn't like conflicts or fights and is not interested in hunting, who will lower her head to humiliations (of herself) and constantly regarded as very plain and undeserving of Jin Zixuan. Joke's on you, Madam Yu, you can't raise

her to lower the head to your humiliation and expect her to learn to stand her ground. Also her not liking the hunting doesn't mean that she's not strong but I'll push my agenda of cultivator Yanli later bcs that's a hc and this is an analysis.

Basically, in Madam Yu's eyes, Yanli is not a very worthy daughter of hers, and since her love is conditional, we can see clearly why Yanli has a hard time loving herself.

And now: the angst.

Yanli comes back to Lotus Pier and WWX&JC are tied up by Zidian in a boat?

Before I hit the angst Im gonna say that when they tie them all up they're finally and literally on the same boat. Yanli has been retained away from danger and regarded as not suited for handling big problems since always and now, all three of them are suffering that.

Yanli cherishes her dysfunctional family very much. They're the only ones who love her quite literally. Even if it's conditional. Even if they don't love her enough to have expectations on her. Yanli's biggest fear is yo be alone and it's happening.

JC & WWX are having a fair share of powerlessness, but for Yanli it hits different. Its happening /again/. She's powerless to protect the ones she loves /again/. She's powerless. She can't do anything to stop all the bad things that have already happened and will keep happening

She has to accept whatever comes her way and now what's coming her way it's the death of her parents, the destruction of her home. There's a very dangerous consequence of forbidding people to take action and to control their lives. When you have absolutely no control you will

learn that. It's called Learned hopelessness. It's a characteristic of depression.

Yanli is already no one. She's about to lose the only thing she has left: love. She's about to lose her family and her home, the only places where she has any value. The little world they have

forced her to live in. Her world is crumbling and she's powerless, as always.

And the story goes. She's left alone an entire night. Yanli. Who's biggest fear is losing her family and being alone. Helpless. Without a sword or anything to defend herself. Without an option to do anything except to wait. Wait until the rest deal with it and come back for you.

Wait. Don't do anything. We'll deal with it. Wait. Wait.

Can you imagine what it is? To be left alone to just /wait/? Wait for the rest of your family to come back with a big possibility that they won't come back. Hopeless. Useless. Alone. Alone. Alone.

I remember she was holding the Jiang Clan Bell that calmed the mind. She didn't ring it because she couldn't make any sound she just held tight to it. That was possibly the only thing left of her family she had. Possibly the only thing she would have in the future.

A nice detail about Yunmeng Trio. WWX wakes up in the fields next to JC and his first thought is Yanli. Ofc because he loves her and is worried about her but also because he's in the my-only-purpose-in-life-is-to-protect-the-Jiangs mindset [diff analysis] https://twitter.com/xStalKey/status/1223430578717982720

And JC is in this depressive state, but JC only wakes up from there when Yanli is mentioned. Yanli may think lowly of herself but she really has become the will to live of her brothers.

Anyway, back to Yanli's biggest fear coming true.

They come to find Yanli after one cold lonely night of dealing with her biggest fears. But they're alive. Her brothers are alive. But they're the only ones.

It's one thing to deal with awful nightmares and it's another thing to live them in the real world.

We see plenty of characters break stuff with a hard grip in CQL. Yanli's only time to do this is when she breaks the Jiang's bell and shreds her skin. It's grief, of course, but is there a more powerlessness sensation than grief? Something has been lost forever and you can't

bring back. Something that, in Yanli's case, had entirely nothing to do with you. You couldn't prevent it nor stop it, just wait. Let others handles it, and lose it.

Sadly, this is her life story, but she doesn't know yet.

On top of that she gets sick and in her feverish haze, Jiang Cheng is gone. And Wei Wuxian wants to leave too. She keeps talking in plural
"What are we going to do now? We have to find him"
Wei Wuxian keeps talking in singular
"Shijie! You can't go." It's not like Wei Wuxian

isn't right on that one. She's sick. But sick and all she got up ready to find her brother (reminds me of a certain someone who kept studying medicine without sleeping for days). He makes her promise she will stay safe with their granny while he will go back to find Jiang Cheng

and she makes that expression of pain. Of "not again". Of "im going to have to wait alone and maybe lose you both on the way". But she doesn't say it. She agrees to the promise. She will stay safe and wait until someone else's handles it. Again. She asks only for one thing

"Promise me that you'll be back with A-Cheng"

Wei Wuxian leaves without saying anything. Powerlessness.

Sick and all she gets to the Granny's house by herself and stays there without getting caught (We never talk about how she's the only one in the Yunmeng Trio who successfully avoids Wens while being wanted. So much for being the plain useless girl of the family. She pulled it off

while sick).

No one can tell me this girl isn't a cultivator she got rid of a flu in one day after being one night alone in the woods freezing and enduring heavy rain on her. By the time her brothers are back she's healthy again.

They get to Yiling and she has to handle her own grief and anxiety, Jiang Cheng's weight and the fact that he's in a coma and Wei Wuxian's paranoia that's about to mess the whole thing up.

Thankfully, the nice lady that took care of her in Cloud Recesses helps to cover them.

However Yanli does get Wei Wuxian to calm down and let go of Wen Ning. She has a lot going on but can still reason it out. She can still be the voice of reason for her brother. She can still be his ground, even when she doesn't have any. I don't think she values this that much

I don't think she sees her love as something powerful. But it certainly is.

Wei Wuxian loses his way without Yanli a lot, but look how much of an effect she has on him.

There's a lot to unravel about them in Yiling, here we go.

Before we get to the heavy parts, let's get to the subtle parts.

Wen Qing is possibly the only person that regards Yanli as what she is: The older one of them, the responsible one. She consults with Yanli all the decision's regarding Jiang Cheng's health.

"But Key! The golden core thing!" yeah yeah that part wasn't consulted, I know, but before that Yanli was calling all the shots regarding that. Jiang Cheng is sedated because she asks for it.

Wen Qing also brings Wei Wuxian Yanli's food, but he isn't eating. This is very telling if we consider Wei Wuxian's "food = love" because at this point he's blaming him so much that he doesn't think that he deserves a break, to eat, or love.

It's also very telling because we

barely see Yanli around in Yiling, which means she's probably coping around by getting her hands one everything she can to help around and cooking, but she's not having any feedback. This time, making food won't give her love. I figure she's hanging out with Wen Qing a lot

because after all it's her house, but she's very lonely. Both his brothers refuse to eat, one of them to the point she had to permanently sedate him and the other one to the point of...?

They're all in the middle of their biggest grief and she's so alone. No one is showing her

support. No one seems to need her. She's supposed to? Stay there? and let others handle it?

I guess it makes sense that her coping mechanism is to start doing things so all the powerlessness that always surrounds her doesn't crush her.

I think it's very significant how all of them have lost so much (their family, a golden core in jc's case, the sense of having a right of being his own person in wwx's case ((im quoting this thread again https://twitter.com/xStalKey/status/1223430578717982720)))
But Yanli is the only one trying to keep them

together. Jiang Cheng is in heavy depression, his will to live nowhere to be found. Wei Wuxian is so obsessed with the idea that everything is his fault that he doesn't think he deserve a minute of rest until he has fixed everything. And Yanli? Yanli is alone. Not quite, Wen Qing

is right beside her. "You should eat. Your Shijie cooked this for you. Jiang Cheng isn't eating or sleeping. I sedated him to Yanli's request. You should go see her. She's worried about you." Wen Qing has been her confidant this whole time, but here Wei Wuxian makes his most

common mistake. He's so centered in protecting and giving back to the Jiangs he doesn't think of what the Jiangs actually want or need. He made this mistake with Jiang Cheng when he gave him his golden core and he makes this mistake with Yanli when he leaves her alone in the

attempt to fix everything. I think this also comes from Wei Wuxian seeing Yanli as comfort for him. He doesn't deserve comfort. She doesn't deserve to be around the one whos' to blame for her family's slaughter. He doesn't get that he's also her family. He doesn't retain enough

self-worth to understand that not only Yanli is a comfort for him. He's a comfort for Yanli. But he leaves his medicine books for her. Wen Qing said she's worried, and his only duty now is to take care of the Jiangs. He goes to see her.

They both look and are miserable. Yanli just wants him to rest and as she clearly isn't rested, Wei Wuxia reverse uno cards her. These two are so alike I swear this convo is just the pot calling the kettle black.

"I'm fine. I just need more books."

Yanli's face is priceless

when his delirious mind goes to Cloud Recesses. Her mind is constantly in Lotus Pier, but his brother seems ready to go any minute to get Lan Zhan to find more books, and he's lost. She can see he's lost. She barely could maintain her own weight before but she manages to stop him

and focus him on her.
"A-Xian, you're tired. You need to rest. I don't want you to collapse when A-Cheng gets better."
And then Yanli does one marvelous one-time-in-a-life-time thing. She makes Wei Wuxian break. He shares his worries. He tells her his insecurities.

He lets himself be vulnerable.

"This might all be my fault. Madam Yu was right."

And then she gets it. Why she had been so alone all this time. Why he bowed in front of their grandma like he was a servant. And her answer is a mix of frustration because life keeps getting in

the way of her family and keeping them away; anger because how could he ever think that; and desperation because her biggest fear is getting closer and closer if they both keep on not caring about themselves. She's not even asking about them not leaving her alone.

She just wants them to be alive.

And still, she's the one to keep being the voice of reason

"For what are you to blame? The death of my parents? The massacre of Jiang Clan? The loss of A-Cheng's golden core? Given this situation blaming you won't fix or change anything!"

"A-Xian, my parents are dead, A-Cheng is ill. You two are my only family left. I can't lose you two or I'll really be alone in the world."

There. That's her biggest fear.

Yanli doesn't need anyone to blame. She doesn't need anyone to hate. She needs someone to love. She needs

to be loved back. She needs the only people in the world that make her feel loved, special and enough.

Wei Wuxian's first thought about who could help him was Lan Zhan before her, imagine how that felt. She had been cooking for him, living by JC's bed almost without resting.

She is desperately trying to stick to her family, but her family keeps pushing away from her. Jiang Cheng is basically letting himself die and Wei Wuxian focusing on them in every wrong way.

I can imagine her thought when he mentioned Lan Zhan "I know I'm nowhere near

Second Master Lan's position. I know I'm not as useful as him. But I'm here. A-Xian I'm here."

She's so unseen.

"You promised me, remember? You promised me that we would all go back to Lotus Pier."

And they break to cry. Finally, A-Xian is in her arms being vulnerable.

Finally, they can support each other. She's finally not as alone.

She's so wonderful. She was in the worst place possible and she still made Wei Wuxian break out of his obsession and start eating and sleeping as well as reading. She has such a big effect on him. She makes him

not lose his way. I swear Wei Wuxian would have gone crazy there if it wasn't for her.

[why is this so long? Anyway I have to stop for today.