I have watched the Indian show and to fulfill contractual obligations and to centralize my messaging to many people here are my thoughts:

First off I’m just blown away by how much Indian people and culture you see in mainstream American media. It’s crazy compared to when I grew up! People know what Diwali is!? So for that I’m happy a show about arranged marriages exists and is empathic and not embarrassing.

My stereotype of Indians is they love to stereotype. The other stereotype: Indians have vastly different experiences and are constantly seeking meaning out of those experiences (and talking endlessly about it).

There have been so many eloquent takes on the show driven by people's rich and painful personal experiences. Mine is the divide between America vs Indian culture is the most interesting and problematic element.

American culture, despite all it's obvious horribleness, is still a dynamic and flexible thing. It blends and subverts oppositional ideals like all cultures but quicker and has for longer to make something new (like having a Diwali episode of The Office).

Along with immigration laws that encourage family reunion and growth, arrange marriage means something totally different for first, second and third generations Indian Americans and again something very different for Indians from India.

As an American first born cis hetero male of divorced arranged married parents and myself married to a white American woman (who is taller than me!), I’m not the “typical” Indian person when it comes to arranged marriage.

But I do feel like a typical American! The show is entertaining and is not trying to do this, but I do wish there was a deeper focus on the Americans beyond their individual quirks and personal dramatic backstories ("my dad is in jail!")

Because of my personal experience with arranged marriage through my parents, I could never accept the homogeneity, gender role conformity, and somewhat creepy focus on “purity” resulting out of caste/class/family based matches and made it hard to embrace the show fully.

Love marriage has for decades been presented as an attack on traditional Indian values by segments of Indian culture...and it is! It rejects the primacy of the family and patriarchy. To see that not really addressed here bothered me.

And it bothered me particularly as an American and not seeing the other Americans grappling with that. Especially considering a tendency of media about Indian culture not fully addressing the Americaness of people’s identities over some intrinsic Indian quality that transcends.

Meanwhile the Indian Indian matchmaking was … pretty boring. I mean, yes, a lot of these emotionally stunted, wealthy men are looking for mommy replacements they can have sex with without having the language to express it, not big news or that entertaining.

I think a lot of the best commentary about the show has come from women from India where the focus on men like this brings back memories of deep irritation and trauma. For much of the non-Indian audience of the show, it’s just kinda zany.

My third broad stereotype: a lot of Indians need therapy! Not face or star readings or matchmakers, like honest to goodness therapy. But dominate Indian culture feels a long fucking way from even sorta embracing that.

So you are having Americans embrace what is, historically, a pretty regressive practice in arrange marriage and not just willingly, but with real hope it can solve the problem of American love matchmaking.

That’s where destiny plays a role and what the Americans seem to be looking for by turning to arrange marriage match making. But when Sima Auntie uses it feels less the kismet and romance as much as cover for the randomness of the whole operation.

The partnership promised by arranged marriage is a particular type, about raising an appropriate family and protecting the caste / socioeconomic identities of the participants.

And maybe people would say that is the same thing about American love marriage and the partnerships they create, but I don’t feel that way and don't necessarily feel family construction is what drives most decisions to marry here.

The little vignettes of the older happy arranged marriage couples were trying to bridge that, but of course, where are the clips of people like ….my divorced parents? Or arrange marriage couples in India who have been together for decades and are miserable? Just one?

The most fascinating moment to me was the Sikh single mom having her match with a Hindu single dad divorced from an "American" (which to me read white) rejected by her dad.

Because it gets at even in “broken” matches, sameness and being as far from mixing as possible is the goal of these marriages. Again, I know this entertaining dating-esque show is not going for a deep interrogation of this, but it was hard for me to love it.

Even from an entertaining perspective, I do wish the show really engaged with Indian American’s experience growing up here as minorities and outsiders and then seeking to embrace a return to sameness and cultural values they are somewhat separate from.

Cause being an Indian American and turning to arranged marriage is not just an individual accepting of their “natural” culture, it’s something deeper and complex that might not fit a fun doc series. /end