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We autistics usually call it ‘masking’ as neurotypical, as if we consciously put on a facade to look neurotypical, whatever that happens to be.
But we aren’t consciously ‘masking’ at all. We’re just surviving.
A THREAD:
But we aren’t consciously ‘masking’ at all. We’re just surviving.
A THREAD:
I didn’t mask as a kid. I adapted to survive.
I took insults literally and needed to understand the reasons.
“But I’m not ret*rded.” I’d say, genuinely confused. “Is it because I do things more slowly?”
Nobody would answer me, so I took note: “Being ret*rded is bad’”
I took insults literally and needed to understand the reasons.
“But I’m not ret*rded.” I’d say, genuinely confused. “Is it because I do things more slowly?”
Nobody would answer me, so I took note: “Being ret*rded is bad’”
When kids called me Forrest Gump, I eventually caught on... and it hurt.
So they’d stop bullying me, I gave them my most accurate Forrest Gump impersonation and even resorted to teasing other autistic kids.
I didn’t know I was autistic then.
So they’d stop bullying me, I gave them my most accurate Forrest Gump impersonation and even resorted to teasing other autistic kids.
I didn’t know I was autistic then.
High schoolers called me queer a lot.
I’d respond with “I‘m ‘queer’ and unusual, but why does that make you think I’m attracted to men? I hate men.” or “Wait, doesn’t everyone want to be a girl?”
Surprising nobody but myself, the bullying got worse after that.
I’d respond with “I‘m ‘queer’ and unusual, but why does that make you think I’m attracted to men? I hate men.” or “Wait, doesn’t everyone want to be a girl?”
Surprising nobody but myself, the bullying got worse after that.
Now I’m 37.
Because I started blogging and doing social media after college, I’ve had time to study and figure out when someone is being literal or figurative, sincere or manipulative.
For the most part.
Because I started blogging and doing social media after college, I’ve had time to study and figure out when someone is being literal or figurative, sincere or manipulative.
For the most part.
In recent years, whenever I saw tweets with phrases like ‘I feel attacked’ or ‘Why did you call me out like that?’ I became so overwhelmed with guilt that I avoided social media for days.
Eventually a google search taught me that they were saying “I relate”.
Eventually a google search taught me that they were saying “I relate”.
When anyone tweeted an opinion followed with ‘change my mind’ or ‘fight me’, I thought they were literally looking for a debate, and tried to offer a counterpoint.
I got blocked by a lot of literary agents and editors for that misunderstanding.
I got blocked by a lot of literary agents and editors for that misunderstanding.
Even now, I fall into the trap of becoming constantly terrified of saying the wrong thing to other autistics, so I observe and make choices based on that.
Is it still ‘masking’ if I’m doing it for other autistics?
Is it still ‘masking’ if I’m doing it for other autistics?
No, it isn’t masking at all.
It’s survival by trial and error, so we hedge our bets by emulating those around us, even other autistics.
Sometimes we choose to punch down and pile on like others do. Sometimes we do good things so others will see and approve.
It’s survival by trial and error, so we hedge our bets by emulating those around us, even other autistics.
Sometimes we choose to punch down and pile on like others do. Sometimes we do good things so others will see and approve.
We are constantly making choices that shape our individual characters, and it’s silly to think that it’s as simple as us Neurodivergent people putting on a Neurotypical persona.
Are we ‘masking’ when we use a meme format or act differently around other autistics?
Are we ‘masking’ when we use a meme format or act differently around other autistics?
Those of us who are LGBTQIA+, have additional disabilities, or are BIPoC, have multiple dynamics at play and a complex experience that breaches the bounds of ‘masking’ as neurotypical.
Even ‘camouflaging’ doesn’t begin to convey the complexities of intersecting identities.
Even ‘camouflaging’ doesn’t begin to convey the complexities of intersecting identities.
Every day, we autistics make billions of decisions, both conscious and unconscious, in an effort to survive with what we’re given.
We autistics live by adapting to survive, somewhere at the intersection of race, gender, sexuality, and disability.
That’s one complicated mask.
We autistics live by adapting to survive, somewhere at the intersection of race, gender, sexuality, and disability.
That’s one complicated mask.
Another problem with the concept of masking is that it implies inauthenticity.
#AllAutistics are authentic, regardless of what we do to have our needs met.
#AllAutistics are authentic, regardless of what we do to have our needs met.
The autistic who succeeded in her career field but nonetheless spent her whole life as a nervous wreck with imposter syndrome is just as authentic as the nonspeaking autistic who needs more supports but stims with total abandon.
Both autistics are valid and authentic.
Both autistics are valid and authentic.
I am masking for you, right here on Twitter, talking about advocacy issues that my in-laws or neighbors would never understand.
Be honest. Do you talk to the bagger at the grocery store the same way you’d communicate behind the mask of our screens? You’re valid either way.
Be honest. Do you talk to the bagger at the grocery store the same way you’d communicate behind the mask of our screens? You’re valid either way.
‘Masking’ as a concept is nothing new, and has its roots in many cultures.
The problem is the implication that there is a figurative mask that autistics only wear to look NT, when the facets of our experiences are much more complex.
The problem is the implication that there is a figurative mask that autistics only wear to look NT, when the facets of our experiences are much more complex.
When it comes to the topic of masking and camouflaging, what really matters at the end of the day is this.
How do you treat other people, both on and off the spectrum?
Are you adapting to simply survive, or are you adapting to ensure that others can do the same?
How do you treat other people, both on and off the spectrum?
Are you adapting to simply survive, or are you adapting to ensure that others can do the same?
Anyways, I can tell I’m in autistic burnout when it takes the better part of a day to write a thread.
I left an important part out. Autistics shouldn’t have to suppress stims and overdo it, just to have a home or get by.
This can’t be understated.
I left an important part out. Autistics shouldn’t have to suppress stims and overdo it, just to have a home or get by.
This can’t be understated.
