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1/ A thread on bypassing our grief and uncomfortable emotions: Often I see the tendency w/Christians to try to bypass their grief and sadness w/verses or sayings such as "The joy of the Lord is my strength" or "It's all in God's plan." We are uncomfortable with our emotions.
2/ I see many doing this during the Pandemic. In doing so, they ignore their own anger, frustration, & sadness. Non-religious individuals may also do it but couch it in different terms. Bottom line: I'm not supposed to feel the way I feel, so I will try to ignore it.
3/ All of this is an attempt to bypass feeling emotions we are uncomfortable with, and facing a reality we do not want. Yet we can only live in denial - and that is what it is - for so long. Stuffing our emotions only results in them coming out in other ways.
4/ Refusing to grieve our losses, or allow ourselves to acknowledge our sadness and anger can often result in depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and even substance abuse. Because all that emotion that is trying to tell us something has to go somewhere.
5/ When we try to "spiritually bypass" our grief and sadness, we are often helped along by well-meaning friends. "God would not want you to be sad." or "This is God's will. " I've even heard some say, "Grief is from the Devil." This is not true. Our emotions are God-given.
6/ They give us information we need about what is happening inside us. Acknowledging our losses and our feelings is important to healing. Anything else is simply pretense. I can't tell you how many times a client has lamented, "I know I'm not supposed to feel this way."
7/ I always answer with "Why are you not supposed to?" We feel the way we do and trying to brush it off or shame ourselves does not work. People often want a "short-cut" to managing grief. They just want it to be over. In this pandemic, they just want it to end. Don't we all?
8/ I don't blame them. Feeling sadness & anger is not fun. But this is just wishful thinking. It's not even positive thinking. It's simply magical thinking. It doesn't work. Eventually it catches you. The only way out of grief is to feel it, to honor it, to walk through it.
9/ This is not to say that I don't believe it is helpful to remind ourselves of what is still good in our lives. I do. But not at the risk of ignoring what is hard. If you are feeling overwhelmed, sad, anxious, angry, &frustrated, those feelings are perfectly understandable.
10/ They are appropriate in the midst of a Pandemic that has been poorly managed. Sit with your emotions & let them tell you what you may need. You don't have to lash out from them (please don't!) but let them inform you. Honor them. This is a hard time. Be kind to yourself.
