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Grief | What NOT to say. A Thread.
1. “You’re so strong.”
Complimenting a grieving person on their resilience sounds nice but it’s not strength, it’s shock. Perhaps it comforts you to think the bereaved is coping well.
Instead: “I can see you’re hurting. This is really hard.”
1. “You’re so strong.”
Complimenting a grieving person on their resilience sounds nice but it’s not strength, it’s shock. Perhaps it comforts you to think the bereaved is coping well.
Instead: “I can see you’re hurting. This is really hard.”
2. “At least she isn’t suffering anymore.”
“At least they’re in a better place,” is driven by good intentions. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable and that means watching someone hurt.
Instead: “I don’t know what to say, I just want you to know I care.”
“At least they’re in a better place,” is driven by good intentions. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable and that means watching someone hurt.
Instead: “I don’t know what to say, I just want you to know I care.”
3. “Call me if you need anything.”
You’re putting the onus of communication on the bereaved. Not only are they preoccupied, but they might not want to bother you. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” is the same.
Instead: “I’m coming over to take you out to lunch.”
You’re putting the onus of communication on the bereaved. Not only are they preoccupied, but they might not want to bother you. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” is the same.
Instead: “I’m coming over to take you out to lunch.”
4. “How are you?”
While it’s nice to check up on a grieving person, “How are you?” is a superficial question that usually elicits a rote response: “Fine.”
What to say instead: “How are you feeling today?”“How are you feeling right now?”
While it’s nice to check up on a grieving person, “How are you?” is a superficial question that usually elicits a rote response: “Fine.”
What to say instead: “How are you feeling today?”“How are you feeling right now?”
5. “It’s been a year already.”
There’s an expectation to move on from death quickly. The problem is, heartbreak doesn’t have a schedule.
What to say instead: “I know you still miss her. I do, too.” Based on this article: https://www.considerable.com/life/communication/things-not-to-say-grieving/
There’s an expectation to move on from death quickly. The problem is, heartbreak doesn’t have a schedule.
What to say instead: “I know you still miss her. I do, too.” Based on this article: https://www.considerable.com/life/communication/things-not-to-say-grieving/
