My mom told me after my breakup she thought my ex was a narcissidt (she's a psychologist, not to throw the word around haha) I will give ex for the ones who could be concerned : some useful redflags imo

Tw abuse :

I think I really saw it at the end, he was acting super cruel with me BUT it wasn't seeing me miserable cause of him that made him 'apologize', it was after he told his friends what he did and they told him he was being a bitch (narcissists need others' approvals)

After that, I started thinking A LOT (and spiraling also, it was a very dark time in my life during last summer) about other things he actually did and that are not normal. I'm not perfect but I never acted like he did w me w anyone in my life tho

He was the one setting the mood of the day for real : it is something I've abt testimonies of people been abused by narcissists, but it is really a thing. He was upset ? Day ruined, nothing was good enough and I should have helped him/listened to him so after it was my fault

But when he was happy, wanting to do stuffs and I was feeling low (or tired or sick), again it was my fault if his day was not as great as he wanted. I was like 'ask ur friends' but no he wanted me to do the things he wanted and resented me for refusing (using my free will too).

My sister told me also he was jealous of me somehow : to me ofc it was impossible that my partner, that I loved, was but actually everytime something good was happening to me it was abt him and how he never had great things, his life was horrible or creating an argument

Also having an argument was never only a 'simple' argument, like ok maybe you yell at each other but after both sides apologize oh no : it was about power, esp him trying to making me understand I had to listen to him and do what he wanted (now that I think about it what a mess)

Like if someone is threatening to leaving you everytime you don't agree with them it is not a good sign also not talking to you for a few days only for a minor disagreement only to come back and be like 'now u understood?' is totally not a good sign also

Also these people will want to control the image others have of you (so if you speak abt their behaviors no one will believe u lol) : maybe it is not esp huge lies but it is a distorsion of reality and it could impact your own image and on the long run your self-esteem fr

Also narcissists like to have a partner that has many qualities tho, cause people complimenting them on that make them feel better abt themselves : my ex liked my appearance and how smart I was but the minute no one was around he was saying I was trying to make people look at me

Like entertaining other men and women, also yes I was smart but I was annoying for not always telling him he was right/trying to undermine his authority (LMFAO I laughed at that many times tho)

These things are also more common that we could think, also don't be harsh on yourself cause it is not your fault if that happened to you (my mom said it was natural to wanted to help the person you loved, at least now you know)

Oh yes and also even the breakup was a bitch move to make me feel low again : I was abroad for my work, it happened over messages (I was ok to end things tho) and the day before I had an interview for an important opportunity (I crushed it even I was crying before and after lol)

It was like he knew he would had no more power over me so he was like let's fuck up her future lmaoooo there's more stories, more abuse but I don't want to make everyone feel depressed with it so let's keep it to myself