Today is #NationalNewJerseyDay so I’m going to tell you all about it whether you like it or not

When you think New Jersey, you probably think of one of two things. Either this refinery you see when you take the turnpike to NYC.

Or you think about rich New York italian kids taunting the liver gods at the beach

And you’d be right. That’s basically it. An industrial hellscape, with an oily filthy beach below it. Have a fun day.

I kid I kid. So let’s start with north vs south. North jersey aligns with New York, gets NYC news channels, roots for NY teams. South jersey, the same, except it aligns with Philadelphia.

Half of north jersey is basically greater New York, as much as they hate to admit it. IIRC, the Statue of Liberty is technically in NJ.

The other half (western) of north jersey starts mansion-ey and then turns basically into the ozarks

Re mansions, see alpine, nj. It’s where p diddy lives.

Moving to north central, the east side is basically strip malls and traffic ramps. Soprano land. The lower part of which butts up on clerks land.

Central west is absolutely fucking adorable. Lambertville is a lovely place to go antique hunting and day drinking while cycling.

I’d tell you all about Princeton or Rutgers, but I’ve typically avoided educational institutions so you’ll have to get that elsewhere.

Now let’s talk shore. Where I’m from. It’s all true.

So top to bottom, sea bright is for rich kids that aren’t as italian

Long branch is where 35 year olds meet 21 year olds

Asbury is where the hipsters are, has amazing food, but everyone’s parents found out about it, so we’ll see how long it’s cool for

Belmar is where you wake up with a stranger passed out in your living room because “I thought it was my house bro”. (My hometown)

Point pleasant is fist pumping for families

Spring lake is kids I went to high school with who’s parents have elevators in their houses

And then there’s seaside. Actual fist pumping.

After that it’s just pine trees and saltwater taffy and pickup trucks and places I haven’t been. Except for AC, which is kind of sad. And wildwood, which is family fist pump south.

Here’s some non boardwalk/non refinery NJ for ya. Dune beach, an estuary, a trap course in the marshlands and a winery

Did I mention it’s the mostly densely populated state?

As for me, I live literally right here. There comes a time when your fists are all pumped out, the tank tops stop fitting and it’s time to raise the next gen of fist pumpers. That’s when you move to the suburban town directly behind the shore and drink vodka at a soccer practice.

@budalichious @montylounge is this all accurate?