Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

July 27th 1665

Up and after eggs quarantine, to the Ministry of Service Stations to discuss the dualling of the A66 with Grant Shapps, the ‘Shappshifter’ as we do call him, that his time spent posing as

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famed marketing guru Michael Green, selling quartos to the gullible such as Stinking Rich 1, 2 and 3, did earn him the title; but my plans for a next generation Service Station at Boldron to rival the mighty Scotch Corner, did go unheard, as we hear Grant did nip to

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Malaga on an all-inclusive, but that the plague grows more and more at Spain we are going upon making all ships coming from thence perform a thirty day quarantine at Premier Inn, a thing never done by us before, and he is to be isolated and all about Whitehall are ashen

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ministers and civil servants, panicking how government might function when deprived of its most mercurial talent; so I did call an emergency COBRA meeting so significant The Johnson even thought about coming, and we did devise a policy called Shapp Up or Ship Out whereby

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each member of our cabinet must sell a brazen misdeed or pyramid scheme to the electorate in honour of The Shappshifter ere his return, that we may convince all the bum-baileys who voted for us that we do continue to mean business as usual. So home, myself being in a

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little pain in the cods in pulling up my breeches yesterday over eagerly, but I will lay no Solero to it till I see whether it will cease of itself. Tapas. Bed.

Thanks to @MrJunkerBarlow for the loan of his deck of Top Patriots! Collect the set!

http://www.marknefrancoispas.co.uk