So, do you have a lot of fruits that need to be shaken? Are your fruits in need of stimulation?
It turns out there's a lot of fruit-based metaphor in Certain Parts of aliexpress...
I'm gonna post some things. They'll be pretty implied-NSFW so you may want to hit mute.

I wasn't gonna do this but then I saw this and I haven't stopped laughing in the 5 minutes it's taken me to get this webp converted into a GIF

blablabalbalbalbalblablablalhbabalbal LICK MY CHERRIES, ROBOT!

So lemons are pretty common. Clearly they mean breasts, right? But yeah. Lemons. I'm not sure if the sourness implication is really what they're going for, but ok.

some of them are... not really getting the trick on subtlety.
OH YEAH JAB THE VIBRATOR INTO A PEACH

This one does the peach thing again but it uses a stock image of two peaches which kinda makes it look like you're supposed to have two butts (or vaginas?)

Gotta vibrate my pile of underwater (but not floating?) strawberries.

Oranges! Yet another citrus fruit. I love me some oranges so I'm not sure how I feel about people getting lipstick and/or sex toys all over a tasty orange.

mommy, what's the robot pig doing to the orange? with its butt?

Have you ever needed a sort of bayonet attachment for your banana?

or maybe the middle of your banana just needs a vibrating watch?

it's amusing because that one goes from using the banana to using the GENERIC SEX BEAM.
You ever have sex with a lightsaber? risky, but it's worth it.

A tomato? that's not one of the standard fruits. I don't know what the tomato is. I'm not sure I want to know what the tomato is.

This one is special and can stimulate the stone in the middle of your... I'm not sure what, exactly. Pluot, maybe?

The banana is hugged by a robot buddy

Lemons, complete with leaf.
I'm not sure what the leaf represents.

A lime? that's the wrong citrus fruit!

and that's definitely a grapefruit! You're supposed to use an orange, you fool!

do you dream of licking a giant strawberry but want a robot to do it for you, because you don't have a tongue?
WELL WE HAVE THE PRODUCT FOR YOU!

The multiple red circles and the silvery plume makes me think this is a nuclear fallout map.
OH NO SOMEONE HAS DROPPED A TINY A-BOMB ON OUR BANANA!

weirdly the main thing they go to when they're not doing fruit?
flowers.
also, this one is so not centered... it really bothers me.

OH YEAH VIBRATE MY ROSES

another use of strawberries and they motion blurred it to imply "vibration" but it just amkes it look like the robot is firing out strawberries.

Also, they're supposed to be slice strawberries when you're using them as a euphemism for the vulva... this is just wrong.

This one goes and explains their whole metaphor, but it's one they don't use, and it also includes SUCKING HONEY BEANS

ahh, poetry.

This one I was gonna not post because the way they put a liquid effect over the peach makes it seem actually disgusting but then I noticed the text and WOW.

a picture of the device in a hand, and a picture of it being used on a strawberry.

HOW BIG ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES

I hope these were not tested on penguins

Unrelated but I found this hilarious: they had to censor these sexual position dice which is just amazing.

WAKE UP EVERY SLEEPING NEURON WITH 3D LARGE PARTICLE STIMULATION

This one was clearly supposed to be stretchy cock rings but then I realized... those are tires.
they're using the molds for tires for kids toys.

BECOME A BRAVE WARRIOR WITH THIS SEX TOY

what, are you supposed to hit the enemy with it?

So a bunch of the fleshlight-style toys are being sold as "training" devices to improve a penis.
So this has a standard before-and-after set of drawings, but they labeled the before as "SOFT GOAT".
Also: "Man's toughness is the real man"

I... I don't know either. I have all the context and I'm still confused.

oh hey they have a list of who should use it.

it can what now?

SUCKING SHOCK HONEY TONGUE FAIRY STICK

I'm not sure about the relative sizes of this plum and banana

also: "Long-lasting Erection, The pride of the man"

one problem that a bunch of them run into is trying to visually depict "this thing warms up", which is hard, and results in them making it look like the device just bursts into flames.

which hopefully it does not.

IN WHAT WAY DOES THIS SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO USE ON SKIN?

speaking of seeming dangerous, I'm not sure jumping bombs are a good idea in sex toys.

but hey, they're comfortable and secretive use to enjoy the mysterious climax.

Ever want to strongly irritate your sensitive parts?

There's a lot of adjectives you can apply to an orgasmic experience, but "crispy" is really far down the list.
But with this product, you will definitely ENJOT.

AGITATE YOUR HORMONES

this one specifically points out that you can charge it in a car which, I mean, is convenient, sure... but now I'm just imagining they're gonna have to put a "DO NOT USE WHILE CAR IS IN MOTION" disclaimer on it.

Strong earthquake mute
Waterproof close skin

You want to know We all know
There is no fear of safety

THE WHOLE BODY IS COVERED WITH GLUE AND WATERPROOF

and the sentence I want on my tombstone:
Love is not afraid of many fluids.

Is that what you're worried about?
Is this what you are worried about?
Strong toughness, Don't Break.

People can never get
truesatisfaction, and
the realiz
ation of one appeal mu
st be accompanied
by the coming of the
next wish. Negatively
speaking, it is
insatiable.

How to use the egg hop
Enjoy critical silence at ease

This one is apparently
1. designed for these three groups: Spouse, Indifferent, and Lesbians
2. talking to you: "At this time, you may need me."

is it the sword in the stone? Do you pull it out when your lesbian spouse is indifferent?

Here's another one which lists applicable people which is just... wow. I'm not gonna joke about this one.

It can massage in many placess, and here's the top 4 places we think you might use it

I think she looks so shocked because IT'S THE SIZE OF HER ENTIRE TORSO. I think everyone should be shocked at a vibrator bigger than they are

A lot of these point out that they're using safe silicone but then they like to illustrate it with a baby because it's the same grade of silicone as a pacifier but now I'm worried they need to add a "keep sex toys away from babies" warning

this one actually labels the fruits and what they mean non-euphemistically.
To be honest, I'm disappointed. I want to maintain the mystery.

listen to the cock ring, which can ensure your private environment, Makes you fun

I understand what they mean here but this is not a good way to make an ad

There's a less amusing alternative trend where they use anatomical diagrams to show how they work, but this one I'm gonna post because it really bothers me.
are they suggesting this toy is designed to vibrate the cervix?

anyone ever see Predator?

yeah, this is pretty disturbing. Sorry.

There's also a trend of showing a sleeping stock photo woman to imply that it's really quiet

but it just makes me think "use this device and... you'll fall asleep!"

I'm not an expert in the use of cockrings but I'm pretty sure you only wear one of them, not three of them along the length of your banana

THIS DEVICE IS ON FIRE! LITERALLY!

WATERP
ROOF

HOPE TO IMPRESS EVERY GIRL'S HEART
Earthquake conquer orgasm quake AV great big size combination
ergyto enjoy the whole body wash water cha

an alternative way of being creepy:
They demonstrated a sex-swing device by putting a sex doll in it, which means they had to dress her up, and then ended up censoring her nipples anyway.

I'm just so confused here
what are blueberries? or those leaves?

And a raspberry!?

oh god I don't know what's happening here
don't mix your metaphors!

once you recognize the "using a sex doll" thing, you start to see it being done a lot.
none of the examples are SFW enough to post here but there's a lot of sex dolls in bondage out there.

some of these are not confusing so much as inexplicable

I just want to try to explain to an alien why anyone needs clamp-on paintcans for sexual reasons

PASSION WAVE SHOCK is definitely someone's finishing move in a fighting game

"hey boss, what do we do with the lazy-eyed sex doll?"
"I dunno, use it to take the pictures of silicone dog bone gags?"

.... what

I assume this is how you use this sex toy.

I'm not great at geography but I'm pretty sure that's longer than 10 meters.

PLEASE STOP I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE

that is true of all products, given a sufficiently large bag!

Awaken Your Original Desires
combine technology with leten708
let you immerse yourself in dreamy sex

This one is so powerful it'll suck the strawberries right out of your hands.

I don't even know what sex is anymore

fortunately this design lets me enjoy the fish and water

TEMPTATION EARLOBE

see they recommend this one because existing egg-hopping methods of female privacy can't deepen the stimulation of honey beans.

I feel like I'm having a stroke

oh that's good.

anyway, before this thread gets me banned from twitter, I'm gonna hop on my motorcycle, pull out my sunglasses, and say my catchphrase and drive off into the sunset.

I normally finish up these sorts of threads with a link to my ko-fi and patreon but I think it's somewhat improper right now.
it sounds like I'm asking for money for sex toys, which is definitely not my intention.

anyway if you want more like this, you might like to learn about the Horrible Sex Machine Connector: https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1264925104175112192

or the previous time I fell down the rabbit(vibrator) hole of aliexpress sex toys: https://twitter.com/Foone/status/1211146329281286144

this thread is very NSFW
NON
SEXY
FRUIT
WIDGETS