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Premier League clubs as your ex. A thread.
Liverpool
- Much fitter than when you were seeing her.
- Is now seeing an absolute worldie, whilst you've put on 5 stone.
- Would never let any argument go.
- Done what she wanted, when she wanted.
Liverpool
- Much fitter than when you were seeing her.
- Is now seeing an absolute worldie, whilst you've put on 5 stone.
- Would never let any argument go.
- Done what she wanted, when she wanted.
Man City
- Daddy owns a pet tiger.
- Pretends she has loads of friends by going to town and photo bombing every hen do that walks passed.
- Used to look like Susan Boyle before all the plastic surgery.
- Thinks everybody is talking about her behind her back.
- Daddy owns a pet tiger.
- Pretends she has loads of friends by going to town and photo bombing every hen do that walks passed.
- Used to look like Susan Boyle before all the plastic surgery.
- Thinks everybody is talking about her behind her back.
Chelsea
- Has 6 kids to 7 different dads.
- Used to look like Megan Fox, now shes more Dr Fox.
- Planning on getting loads of work done so she can get her nuts again.
- Always robs peoples beach towels on holiday.
- Daddy has definitely had people killed.
- Has 6 kids to 7 different dads.
- Used to look like Megan Fox, now shes more Dr Fox.
- Planning on getting loads of work done so she can get her nuts again.
- Always robs peoples beach towels on holiday.
- Daddy has definitely had people killed.
Leicester
- Shocked all of Pop World when she was the fittest bird in there once.
- Quite nice looking but walks with a massive limp.
- Goes the gym 4 times a week, but has Just Eat on speed dial.
- Thinks she's intelligent but said Eid Mubarak was a left back for Watford.
- Shocked all of Pop World when she was the fittest bird in there once.
- Quite nice looking but walks with a massive limp.
- Goes the gym 4 times a week, but has Just Eat on speed dial.
- Thinks she's intelligent but said Eid Mubarak was a left back for Watford.
Man Utd
- Was the fittest girl around when you were growing up.
- Wears massively over priced clothing that she gets with Dad's credit card.
- Boss face and tits, but arse look looks like a corner couch.
- Hates that her new neighbour is much more attractive than she is.
- Was the fittest girl around when you were growing up.
- Wears massively over priced clothing that she gets with Dad's credit card.
- Boss face and tits, but arse look looks like a corner couch.
- Hates that her new neighbour is much more attractive than she is.
Wolves
- Would only eat tapas.
- Pretty, but sounded like a warthog having a wank.
- Caught her once on facebook sharing lost dog posts from Peru.
- Used to just turn up at your house unannounced.
- Would only eat tapas.
- Pretty, but sounded like a warthog having a wank.
- Caught her once on facebook sharing lost dog posts from Peru.
- Used to just turn up at your house unannounced.
Spurs
- Came 2nd in a beauty contest once in Monopoly.
- Got a lovely new house but her neighbours are all twats.
- Lost 6 stone on the Atkins diet.
- Put on 7 stone on the Dominos diet.
- Thinks shes much more attractive than she is.
- Vegan.
- Came 2nd in a beauty contest once in Monopoly.
- Got a lovely new house but her neighbours are all twats.
- Lost 6 stone on the Atkins diet.
- Put on 7 stone on the Dominos diet.
- Thinks shes much more attractive than she is.
- Vegan.
Sheff Utd
- Really good laugh on a night out.
- Shags on the first date.
- Changes her relationship status on Facebook 4 times a week.
- Refuses to wear animal fur, unless the animal is ugly.
- Handled the break up like a superstar.
- Really good laugh on a night out.
- Shags on the first date.
- Changes her relationship status on Facebook 4 times a week.
- Refuses to wear animal fur, unless the animal is ugly.
- Handled the break up like a superstar.
Burnley
- Would only have sex in the missionary position.
- Could neck a pint in 3 seconds.
- Would help you bury a body.
- You had a strong suspicion that she was into women.
- Would only have sex in the missionary position.
- Could neck a pint in 3 seconds.
- Would help you bury a body.
- You had a strong suspicion that she was into women.
Arsenal
- Finished with her because she kept trying to get you to join a cult.
- Used to dance like a jumper in a washing machine.
- All her mates looked like Fizz from Coronation Street.
- Finshed her when I caught her just staring at the wall shouting " FRANK AND BEANS"!
- Finished with her because she kept trying to get you to join a cult.
- Used to dance like a jumper in a washing machine.
- All her mates looked like Fizz from Coronation Street.
- Finshed her when I caught her just staring at the wall shouting " FRANK AND BEANS"!
Everton
- Had a criminal record for fiddling her Universal Credit.
- Would only drink John Smiths
- Tried to get me into something called "pegging".
- Used to phone the police whenever she heard her next door neighbour having fun.
- Hated life.
- Had a criminal record for fiddling her Universal Credit.
- Would only drink John Smiths
- Tried to get me into something called "pegging".
- Used to phone the police whenever she heard her next door neighbour having fun.
- Hated life.
Southampton
- Addicted to selling stuff on Ebay.
- Her dog would constantly shag your leg.
- Been going the gym, so you keep her number 'just incase'.
- Believed aliens built the pyramids.
- Addicted to selling stuff on Ebay.
- Her dog would constantly shag your leg.
- Been going the gym, so you keep her number 'just incase'.
- Believed aliens built the pyramids.
Newcastle
- Used to fart like a camel.
- Had serious Daddy issues.
- Would only wear tracksuits.
- Your mum liked her, but all your mates thought she looked like Jimmy Nail.
- Thought Petit Pois played for France
- Used to fart like a camel.
- Had serious Daddy issues.
- Would only wear tracksuits.
- Your mum liked her, but all your mates thought she looked like Jimmy Nail.
- Thought Petit Pois played for France
Crystal Palace
- Insisted on being 'Facebook official after 2 weeks.
- Her Dad collected stuffed owls.
- Only drunk hot water with a hint of lemon.
- Didn't believe in sex before marriage.
- Insisted on being 'Facebook official after 2 weeks.
- Her Dad collected stuffed owls.
- Only drunk hot water with a hint of lemon.
- Didn't believe in sex before marriage.
West Ham
- Her ugly mum kept trying to shag me.
- Would insist on using rhyming slang during sex.
- Would never go down on me.
- Believed jellied eels were one of her 5 a day.
- Used to punch me in my sleep.
- Her ugly mum kept trying to shag me.
- Would insist on using rhyming slang during sex.
- Would never go down on me.
- Believed jellied eels were one of her 5 a day.
- Used to punch me in my sleep.
Brighton
- Always asking me to go dogging.
- Used to smoke a pipe.
- Called her 6 cats her "fur babies".
- Fancied my brother.
- Would only do her food shopping at Marks and Sparks.
- Always asking me to go dogging.
- Used to smoke a pipe.
- Called her 6 cats her "fur babies".
- Fancied my brother.
- Would only do her food shopping at Marks and Sparks.
Aston Villa
- Spoke like her batteries were running out.
- Boss pair of tits, but the rest of her looked like a barnyard explosion.
- Insisted on calling me her "Boo".
- Thought 5G caused 911.
- Spoke like her batteries were running out.
- Boss pair of tits, but the rest of her looked like a barnyard explosion.
- Insisted on calling me her "Boo".
- Thought 5G caused 911.
Watford
- Has been to prison.
- Has too much to say about everyones business.
- Keeps thinking I'll get back with her.
- Has a vagina like a dropped pie.
- Has been to prison.
- Has too much to say about everyones business.
- Keeps thinking I'll get back with her.
- Has a vagina like a dropped pie.
Bournemouth
- She's now a lesbian.
- Thinks all men are "twats".
- All her clothes are made out of hemp.
- Think she may have died.
- She's now a lesbian.
- Thinks all men are "twats".
- All her clothes are made out of hemp.
- Think she may have died.
Norwich
- Can't even remember her name.
- Gave me crabs.
- Can't even remember her name.
- Gave me crabs.
