Its one of those beuatiful Saturdays where you just feel that "Today is going to be a good day"

Like all Saturdays, you check last nights scores on Blitz, then go on the group chat with the boys. Its the last Saturday, so its the monthly squash tournament. The three of you: You, Ace and Spiyoyo. R600 on the line

You: Majita, Starting at 11h30. Please dont be late. You know how those people are nge courts.

Ace: Sure chap. Im getting ready

Spiyo: No crisis my leader.

You lock up the flat and head out, squash racquet in hand. As you get to parking area, you see that cute meza in a maroon Clio. She waves, as she drives past. You flash a smile and unlock the Audi. Vorsprung durch technik

You start the car and head out. Open the window and greet the security. You hand him a R20. He thanks you and opens the boom "Sure mlungu. Sure ngamla"!!!

Driving, you decide to jam some nice RnB, its a bit early for Kabza. You play Alfonzo Hunter - Just the way (Playas Play). The bass is pumping nice Dankie mpilo!!!

Incoming Call: ICE Mamzo! Haibo, so early. Then you remember oh kanene. Its month end "Hi Com. Kunjani?" You chat a bit and she says she hasnt seen you in a bit. You agree to pop by after Squash.

You get to the courts. Ace is already there. You park and get out laughing at him "Mate. Does it not bother you that you are still wearing your EP u/16 Squash jacket?" He laughs and responds "mxim. It was cold"

Ace asks "Bra. Must we always wait for this guy? No man" before you answer, you can hear the GTI Vrrrrrrrrrr, you smile. Ifikile ingwenya Spikiyiki!! Sunroof down, wearing a slick pair of sunnies pumping Joyous Celebration - Umbhedesho

"Nkoooosi, ndithembe wenaaaaaa!!" he gets out. Locks the car. Ace asks "mfethu. Why? Lacoste Tshirt, lacoste shorts. For squash? Really?" Spiyo responds "Chief. Its Lacoste to you, to me its just a shirt and shorts hey" you shake hands and make your way inside

You collect the R200s and announce the rules "Okay bafethi. Wafa-wafa, first to 11 wins. Spiyo you will play the winner of me and Ace and then there will be 3rd place playoff" Spiyo responds "Ladies first. Lets go"

Ace makes light work of you and wins 11-4. Spiyo comes on the court and puts up a strong fight. Ace beats him 11-9. A great game. You and Spiyo play and he beats you. you snap a post game selfie for the gram and head to get drinks

As you sit Spiyo asks Ace. "Chief. Please explain to me. Whats happening there by Steinhoff?" Ace takes a deep breath and says "yhoo gents. Its hard to simplify. Obviously its all allegations at this stage" you all nod in agreement

The drinks come. 3 castle lagers and 3 jagermeisters. You start with the shots and toast "L'Chaaaim". Ace gets into it "Man. Its a whole lot of kak. Inflated Profit Lines, Off balance sheet financing, SPV companies. Its a whole web bra"

"And the worst part is SA Pension Fund lost alot" Spiyo stops him and asks "Chief. Dont use jargon, whats Inflated Profti Lines and Off Balance Sheet financing?" Ace explains. You guys order three chicken wraps and salad.

Ace gets a call. He goes outside to take it. You and Spiyo are left grappling with Off Balance Sheet financing he comes back and says "Ekse. A couple of my colleagues espan are having a chill at the beach. You guys keen?" Spiyo answers "Haibo chief. Ofcourse"

So afike uBill Cosby (the bill) and Spiyo slides it to Ace and says "zinto ezincane ezi kuwe boi boi. Make the pots" Ace pulls out R400 from his winnings and pays. You tell the waiter "Keep the change" Ace shakes his head and says its fine

Spiyo starts his car and changes from Umbhedesho to Kabza - Amantombazane you agree to speak in an hour after freshining up. You leave to go shower and change. You have to go pop in at Mamzo.

You go withdraw some money for Momz. And head to her place. You hug her. Have some small chat and leave the parcel. She gives you a tupperware with last nights beef stew and dombolo "ubuye nayo le tupperware ke please"

You take a quick shower and decide on what to wear: white Gant golfer, Trenery shorts and Sebago boat shoes you whatsapp the gents and decide to meet at the Tops by the beach. Youre not sure on which cologne, so you phfa phfa some Bleu de Chanel. Haak vrystaat!!

Whatsapp Group chat

Spiyo: Ace kwedini. Is this thing still on?

Ace: Ewe man

You: Okay gents. Im leaving now

Spiyo: something tells me im going to fall in love today

Ace:

You get in the car. Decide on playing Pretty Disaster (De Capo Mix). At the boom, you open window and give security the tupperware "Nantsi ilunch grootman. Ndizoybamba kuwe late itupperware" hes greatfull "Dankie mlungu" Sharp bhudda. You speed off, the Audi responds

You arrive at Spar. call Ace, he says hes parking. Spiyo is there already. His standing next to his car. As usual, Dressed White Italy Away jersey with PIRLO 21 on the back, Torn jeans and fresh fresh white Air Force 1s. My G!!!!!!

The Tops is packed. Spiyo walks in first. Hes greeted by the staff. "Hi ladies. Hi ladies" the lady that usually helps you asks "How many today?" Spiyo laughs and says 2. She opens cabinet with key and takes out 2 bottles of Hennessy VS

She asks "iVeuve zona? How many?" Spiyanko responds "Ha.a no Veuve today my friend. Give me 3 Simonsig aaseblief my skat" it comes to a little over One point six Spiyo pays and says "The best thing about memories, is making them"

Ace insists on beer and buys a 24 Corona. Spiyo says hes going to the shop quick, we can leave him. You say "Chief. Why you like grand entrance always huh?" He laughs and says "Ey comrade. Failing to plan, is planning to fail. Art of War boi"

You arrive at the braai spot where the colleagues are. Everyone is sipping on something. You get introduced to comrade ladies. You notice that the hug from Mandisa to Ace was a little too friendly

As you are making small talk, you see Knight Rider (thats what Spiyo calls his Black GTI), hes got the sunroof open, cruising, pumping Beyonce's "Me, Myself and I". Instead of parking normally, he insists on reverse parking.

He gets out and opens the boot. He takes out the box with the likwa and places it on the table. "Hi guys. Ninjani?" He opens the Henny box. Opens the bottle and pours a shot out" one of the ladies Nicole, asks why hes doing that, he says "for the homies we lost"

Spiyo asks you come with him to fetch something in the car. On the way, you ask him "And then chief, Beyonce entrance?" He responds "To defeat the enemy, you must know him. How can you love women, if you dont know what women love?"

He takes out two packets of red cups in the boot. And winks at you. He says "Beach vibes arent instagrammable without red cups" the ladies laugh. He winks at you again. "Nicky my love. Would you like Henny or Simonsig?" Spiyo asks

Nicky asks for Simonsig. Spiyo pops it open and pours it in a red cup. He hands her the cup and she thanks him. He says "Pleasure my skat" She laughs it off. He asks if she understands Xhosa? She responds "im coloured yes, but ive lived in EC my whole life. How can i not?"

You ask of they all work together, Mandisa says yes. "We are Junior Analysts. Ace is our senior. Hes treating us well" Nicky says "Yes. Very much. Some more than others" they laugh at the inside joke. You and Spiyo catch on and look at eachother and both look at Ace same time

Mandisa asks "If anyone wants to take over DJaying? You can link to my car" Spiyo says "its fine you can switch off your car. I have a bluetooth speaker " he gestures with his head for you and Ace to follow him

He takes out his JBL Flip 5 speaker from the boot. He asks "Chief. Whats happening apha? Are you Analyzing Mandisa's markets? Im sensing ivibes" you agree. Ace laughs and says "no man. Akhonto. I was helping her nge project thats all"

Spiyo responds "Dont go down this road my friend. Socializing with colleagues is bad enough, sleeping with them is a recipe for trouble. Medi yakho igrand. You have a good thing there, dont mess up" Ace responds "Okay thanks Dr Phil. Can we go please"

Spiyo responds "haike my chief. Forewarned is forearmed". Ace says , taking a sip of Corona, "Everything is under control. She knows rules of engagemen" you shake your head and say "This will end in tears" you all walk back to the crowd

Spiyo puts his speaker on the table and starts the first song: Knee Deep - Darling (Original Max). Nicky says "a man with a plan. I like it" Spiyanko responds "Nicky baby. My only plan for you is Lobola, marriage and beautiful kids with your curly hair". She blushes and laughs

Ace is on braai duty. Mandisa complains about the sun burning her back and asks Ace "please put some suncreen on my back" Ace obliges. You look at Spiyo and shake your head

Nicky and Spiyo are in convo. She tells him thats shes only been in town two or so months. Shes liking it but hasnt really settled in. "I dont even have a reliable place to do my lashes and stuff. Its bad"

Spiyo responds, there is this girl yazi, Sibulele. Shes good apprently" Nicky laughs and asks him how he would know? He laughs and responds "you dont have to be a woman to know womens things. Thats very patriarchal" Nicky apologizes. "Sorry SP. Youre right"

Spiyo asks if they have twitter, he gives them the twitter handle @iamsbmazwi "i think shes also on IG: lashes_by_iamsbmazi." Mandisa takes out her Iphone and goes to the IG page. "Wow these are nice. Ive always wanted to do Microblading. Let me follow and DM her.

Everyone dishes up and starts digging in. Spiyo plays Luu Nineleven ft. DaliWonga - Friends With Benefits!! Top song. Sound quality of JBL is the one. The vibes and combos are communicating. Chilled vibes all the way

The girls takes snaps. Spiyo tells Nicky "Nicky dont you want to take with my iphone 11 rather" she laughs and says "he this one. Okay. Cool. Im sure your girlfriend is your wallpaper" Spiyo unlocks and gives phone to her. Wallpaper is his mom in Methodist Church attire

Nicky says "You are such a charmer you. Im going to post a pic of you and twitter and say 'flirting with this guy. Whos BF is this beloveds'?" Spiyo responds "Ooooh i didnt know we were flirting" she laughs and blushes a bit

Ace is sitting on the table and Mandisa comes to sit between his legs on the bench. You and Spiyo immediately look at eachother Ace is a bit tipsy now. Mandisa takes a selfie of them in a rather suggestive pose. Hes skating on thin ice this guy, you think to yourself

You guys soften the volume. Youre going to play Charades from Nicky's screen. Spiyo changes the music and plays Bow Wow - Like You. Laughs all around. Go monate. Nicky has her hand on Spiyos arm he looks at you and winks

After a couple of minutes, Ace gets a call he doesnt answer it. Another one. He doesnt answer. Mandisa looks at him and shakes her head.

A few minutes later. You spot a lady coming towards the table. Its Ace's woman. YHOOOO She comes to the table and greets everyone. "Hi guys. Sorry to interrupt, can i speak to this gentleman please" pointing at Ace.

Mandisa asks "And then who are you?" She responds "Thats a very good question. Who am I Ace? Please tell us" Ace tells her "Sam. Dont be unnecessary lets talk please" she buts in "Talk? Im at home ironing your shirts kanti you here on braai vibes wena"

"Youre embarrasing me. These are my colleagues" Ace says. Sam responds "ooooooh okay. Colleagues!! Maybe i should also call a male colleague to join us and even out the ratio dont you think?"

"Youre being extra now" Ace says. Sam responds "Haibo extra njani?". Nicky offers to dish for Sam. She says "Well i was cooking at home for my man. I didnt know he was braai'ing" yhoo hayi its Aux cable now

Mandisa "Guys. It was nice but i have to get going" Nicky says hes going to join her. They pack up their things and say goodbye to everyone. Sam says "Hayi guys. Dont leave on my account" Mandisa says say no its getting late "and i dont want drama"

"What drama? Drama where? Iphi iDrama sis" Sam asks. Ja no, there a thick thick tension. The ladies leave and its just the 4 of you now. Ace says "Gents. Im going home aswell. Sam lets go" she answers "Im still eating bra. Khawume"

She takes her plate and covers it with another paper plate, they both get in their seperate cars and leave. Its just you and Spiyo. You are sitting on opposite side sides of the table. He pours both of you a Henny. Rick Ross - Big Tyme playing. You toast and burst out laughing

"Ey that boy doesnt listen. I told him this was a bad idea" says Spiyo. He goes on the group chat

Spiyo: Ace my leader. Please mtshana. Assist with Nickys number chief. There is still Simonsig here

Ace:



THE END

In cricket and in life, a leave is a very very good shot. #LessonsToMyNephew