TW: Mental health

I'm not a Kanye stan. I couldn't name a song of his. I remember a music video where he rode a motorbike.

Kanye has been getting a lot of attention for his words and actions lately. They are confusing, crazy, and hurtful.

Kanye suffers from Bipolar Disorder 1.

Bipolar disorder is disruptive and hurtful.

Manic/hypo-manic episodes are a whirlwind. Before you know it you've ruined relationships, your finances, your health, and your reputation.

Then you crash, and need to pick up the pieces during a slow and painful depression - somehow.

The awareness and understanding of depression has drastically improved over the years. Most folks can understand it's effects - lethargy, hopelessness, numbness, delusion, invasive thoughts, anxiety, suicide.

Mania/Hypo-mania is not as well understood.

I have Bipolar Disorder 2, meaning I experience hypomania - a less severe form of mania - and never full blown mania.

Depression feels bad. Hypomania (often) feels good. Despite this, in my experience, I'd choose depression over hypomania any day of the week.

Mania is characterized by... things that might sound cool on paper, but really aren't: Euphoria, seemingly limitless energy, confidence™.

But also: Delusions, paranoia, irritability, hallucinations (BP1, not 2), poor judgement (eg. risky behaviour), anxiety, *deep breath*

Substance abuse, rapid/disconnected speech (quick, seemingly no connection in what they are saying), inability to sleep - and I'm sure I'm missing some.

The speed at which things can happen is dangerous. I've once spent all my savings and maxed my credit card in 1hr - no refunds

Oh and depression and mania can mix by the way. Together they cause a pretty dangerous duo. They don't level things out, you just get symptoms of both. *cough*suicidality+impulsivity*cough*

Anyway, that's the TED talk, let's get back to Kanye.

Some things that I'm confident are demonstrations of some of Kanye's mania:

Inability to sleep: awake so long he couldn't remember his sons name
Confidence™: Running for president, "Greatest Artist That God Ever Created"
Paranoia: "the government is putting chips in your head"

Kim Kardashian (his wife, ofc) put out a statement a couple days ago that humanises Kanye and presents an honest explanation of what this Bipolar Disorder can do and the effects it can have on Kanye's friends and family.

One line of her statement that hit hard was:

"Anyone who has this or has a loved one ... who does, knows how ... complicated and painful it is to understand."

I know this all to well. I now seclude myself as much as I can because I don't want to "do bipolar to anyone" anymore.

I think this part is important for the world to know about this illness. The kicker on top of what Kim says here is that Bipolar Disorder cannot be cured. Sufferers and those around them must work together - constantly. It can be managed, but it isn't easy.

Okay cool, so Bipolar is a thing, and Kanye suffers from it. But SURELY that doesn't give us a free pass to do whatever we wanna do?

It does, actually. We can do anything with immunity jk of course not. But where do we draw that line?

Kanye is running for president. My guess is that this is a manic thing - i could be wrong - but let's just suppose it is. Do we take it seriously? What if he were to win but then crash out of his mania? Should he still be president? What if he isn't actually manic?

The whole "slavery was a choice" thing. That very well could have hurt people. So, what now? Do we just tell them to forget about it because he's sick?

Surely we don't deserve a free pass, of course not. Our actions are our actions, they are real. We did it.

But I think we do deserve some level of understanding. To just know that some of our actions are due to our illness - some are not. And no i don't know how you are supposed to tell them apart. We DO try hard, but it's exhausting. Many of us never EVER get to feel normal

Please don't laugh at Kanye. Don't ridicule him. I'm right there with you in thinking that some of the shit he's doing is off the charts which he IS responsible for. But I also know that when he isn't doing this stuff - when you don't hear about him online - he is doing Okay™

There's no way on the planet I think Kim has been with him because of his money or some shit. She loves him, she's patient, and she cares - as demonstrated in her posts. Kanye is not a freak show that we should point and laugh at while gorging ourselves on popcorn. He's a people.

In closing (finally ammirite), I'd like to share a snippet from the documentary "Up/Down" that really resonates with me, and might be good for y'all to hear.

I've timestamped the video, watch until 1:15:04 (1 minute duration)