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1. Patriarchal masculinity is fundamental defined by the conceit of invulnerability. That's what all the stereotypes about being strong, independent, rugged are about. It's also what the repudiation of anything associated with the feminine is about, because the feminine is
defined (by negation) as weakness, passivity, vulnerability etc. Ergo 'Boys don't cry' 'Don't be a sissy.' It's also where the male fear of being penetrated comes from.
2. One of the features of thinking you are invulnerable is that you can't be dependent on anything. >
2. One of the features of thinking you are invulnerable is that you can't be dependent on anything. >
Because that's a vulnerability. So patriarchal masculinity actually makes it hard for men to work out how to get their needs met ethically, because they have a problem even recognising straightforwardly that they are dependent creatures, and therefore have needs.
3. The best way to solve this problem, which you could call 'the dilemma of desire or need' is to requisition the thing you are dependent on *as* property. This allows you to carry on thinking you are all invulnerable and shit, while appropriating the thing that meets your needs,
because if the thing is a inert piece of property, it can't ever tell you 'no,' or decide it's going to leave you.
4. So this, I think, is the fundamental structure of men's attempt to construct their relations to women and our bodies and care etc in the mode of appropriation.
4. So this, I think, is the fundamental structure of men's attempt to construct their relations to women and our bodies and care etc in the mode of appropriation.
5. The mode of this relation is fundamentally narcissistic, because it doesn't recognise us humans with our own interior lives and needs and wants, who need to be negotiated with. It is inculcated in males in this society by socialising them in narcissistic entitlement. (How that
works is quite complicated, but it functions basically by the mechanism of repudiating the female/maternal, which actually stops them being able to recognise and process their own needs, and above all, sometimes not getting what they want.)
6. The problem with all this is
6. The problem with all this is
that, actually, we are human, and not things that can be straightforwardly appropriated. When we express our own interests or desires, demand to be listened to as human, say no, or put down any kind of boundary that stops them getting what they want... the result is narcissistic
rage, coercion, violent tantrums, and the attempt to redouble the efforts to dominate and control us. This is the mechanism that underpins male violence, both sexual and non-sexual, against women. It is most clearly expressed in the logic of the incels, but it is at play I think
in all male dominance.
7. When we put down boundaries, men are thrown back on the fact that they are dependent on and vulnerable to other humans, and it shatters their godlike dreams. They then project this onto us, and feel like we are being violent to them,
7. When we put down boundaries, men are thrown back on the fact that they are dependent on and vulnerable to other humans, and it shatters their godlike dreams. They then project this onto us, and feel like we are being violent to them,
or heartless and evil by refusing them, or controlling them by making them have needs or desire, or using illegitimate power over them etc... they experience this as resentment and rage, and this is basically what underpins misogyny.
The solution is for men to be socialised to
The solution is for men to be socialised to
learn how to tolerate their own vulnerability and needs, to understand that as adults they are not entitled to those needs being met by other humans, and to not project their rage feelings about their needs not being met onto women.
That would require a MASSIVE shift.
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That would require a MASSIVE shift.
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