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How to out-keigo the average millennial Japanese person. A brief thread for students of Japanese.
One of the hardest aspects of Japanese is keigo, or "polite/humble language." You will be relieved to learn that younger Japanese struggle almost as much as you do. One aspect that makes it tricky is that it is always relative. Here's an example from real life.
A student asked to use my telephone to call someone about a commission. When this student speaks to me, he would say, for example, Sensei mo irasshaimasuka? (Will you be going, too, Professor?) He would be similarly polite when speaking to this older person on the phone.
Here's where he went wrong on that phone conversation. They were discussing me, since I was advising the student on this commission, and the student said, "Sensei wa ima koko ni irasshaimasu." I winced when he said that, because it was wrong. In most cases it would be fine…
...but in this case, he was talking to a client about someone in his own organization, which is to say me. What he should have said is, "Kyōju wa ima kochira ni orimasu." But his brain couldn't conceive of saying "orimasu" vis a vis his professor.
And it's not just an inter-organization problem. Within an organization, there are sub groups, and you need to be aware of when a person counts as miuchi (your in-group) and when they don't.
A more common and less complicated example is referring to your parents. Within your family, you (theoretically) call mother okaasan.
Outside your family, you theoretically call the same woman "Haha." Obviously, with friends your own age, you don't have to worry about that, and can call her whatever you want, e.g., "Okan" or "Ano kuso babaa." But when speaking to an older person who isn't family, it's Haha.
Talking about a third person not in either of your groups introduces further complexity. The temptation is to speak of them in a way that raises them up, but doing so might be rude to the person you're speaking to. Even if the third party is older and respected...
...it would be a mistake to ask the person to whom you're speaking in keigo, "Honda-sama ni o-ai-shimashitaka?" Honda-sama might be the queen of Denmark, but you would still say, "O ai-ni-narimashitaka?"
Just remember that keigo mistakes are rarely a big deal. Someone can tell when you're making a sincere effort to be respectful, and they will appreciate it and "close their eyes" (as the Japanese phrase goes) to your little faux pas.
P.S.: Keigo has been basically declining for decades. Some older people bemoan the decline, others don't care. One interesting change is the use of "otsukaresama desu" as a greeting among colleagues regardless of "rank" in the organization. It used to be used exclusively by...
...those in high positions. It had a condescending nuance. The boss saying "Keep up the good work." Younger (under 40) Japanese are shocked to hear that it's a violation of keigo. "So how am I suppose to greet superiors when I pass them in the hall?" they ask.
The answer used to be...you don't! You would just bow and continue on. It would have been considered presumptuous to speak to a superior when you had no specific business with them. When you had business with them, you addressed them with "Shitsurei shimasu."
The culture has changed, and I think most Japanese would agree that a softening of keigo rules is welcome. But I also regularly hear Japanese of all ages complain that a younger person/subordinate spoke to them in タメ口, so keigo is not in danger of disappearing altogether.
Let me clarify a couple of things, since some stranger came into my mentions accusing me of "policing Japanese about their language." First, I am not mocking or criticizing younger Japanese (or non-Japanese, for that matter) for not knowing the keigo that older Japanese expect.
Japanese language is changing every day, and it's just a fact that Japanese below 40-ish have never had keigo drilled into their heads (sometimes through corporeal punishment) the way older Japanese did. But there are expectations within companies and organizations for language.
Someone who leaves college with a pretty good grasp of keigo absolutely will have an advantage over someone who steps on toes because they don't have that grasp. I don't correct students' keigo to "police" them. I see my job as doing what I can to help them thrive.
I'm not going to apologize for teaching students how to avoid friction with future superiors by making a simple change to the way they speak. It seems to me the guy who said I was policing is judging the whole concept of keigo in a Western way. Keigo doesn't oppress the young.
Lots of other things oppress the young in Japan, just as they do in the U.S. and elsewhere. Eliminating keigo wouldn't eliminate the bullshit young Japanese are subjected to. But that's a subject for another much longer thread, and I've actually already talked about that on here.
