Frankly, I think we need more politics in sports. I won't be satisfied until every player releases a policy platform, and until every team uses sporting events themselves to promote a political cause I personally support.

Now, I hear you saying that you just want to watch professional athletes perform in their area of expertise. That sports should be about sports. But that's just because you don't understand that everything should be political. EVERYTHING.

I will only buy sneakers that carry slogans I like. I will only buy HVAC parts sold by companies with CEOs who agree with me. I demand that my barista declare his support for my favored causes. And if these people disagree, they are symptoms of everything wrong with the system.

America can't truly be what it should be until everyone agrees with me publicly, and with the proper inflection and volume level and level of sincerity, as adjudicated by me. That's because I stand for tolerance and empathy and acceptance and love.