Read on Twitter
WARNING: An entire thread that probably should have been a blog post. Unfortunately for you, I don’t have a blog.
Most people have no idea comedians like me even exist. We live where you do, perform at open mics in bars you’ve never heard of for an audience of mostly other comics, hoping for any sign at all we might someday find success. Laughter’s our only paycheck. It’s all very glamorous.
When most people think about comedians, they think about the ones on TV or in the movies. They don’t see all the work that goes in to get to that place. They don’t see the struggle, just the success. Those famous comedians all started at local open mics with no audience. Like me.
When I started comedy six years ago I began using this account as a vehicle for promoting myself. I only posted jokes, never talked about my personal life or politics, and tried to build a following off of tips and tricks I learned from other comedians. It was part of the work.
There are so many “rules” when it comes to comedy. Don’t curse, but if you do, no f-bombs. Be dirty, but not too dirty. Be authentic, but no one wants to hear your politics. Be smart, but not intellectual. It’s a lot to make sense of; I would come to Twitter to work it all out.
So much has changed in the past few months. It’s made me really look at who I am as a person, and who I am as a comedian. It’s been a journey.
March 11, 2020, was my last night on stage. I closed out a show at the comedy club where I’ve been performing regularly in for 5.5+ years, then my friend—the incredibly funny Marcus Crespo—and I went out to celebrate his belated birthday.
As we sat down to late dinner that March night, the TV screens all around us were reporting the NBA had decided to suspend their season indefinitely after two players had tested positive for Coronavirus. Suddenly the disease that had been an abstract concept was becoming real.
During the show that night, one “comic” coughed on the mic for laughs. After the show I actively avoided hugs & handshakes with audience members for the first time ever. We all knew to be concerned about this new virus, but that was the first time things felt truly ominous to me.
At that point in my career, I was performing 4-7 nights a week. I regularly opened for celebrity headliners coming through town. I hosted several of my own indie shows & a weekly open mic. I traveled to cities throughout the southeast for their local shows, sometimes headlining.
In my private life though, my mom was dealing with an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. As her primary caregiver, her wellbeing was my main concern. It was clear I couldn’t continue performing & keep my mom safe. By the time I got home that night, I knew life was about to change completely.
There’s no doubt life has changed for all of us since March: COVID-19; the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor & George Floyd; nationwide protests; federal agents in our cities; a looming national election; a country led by an idiot; people refusing to wear masks. It’s a lot.
I’ve been posting more about my real life & politics lately, and I want this account to more accurately reflect who I am as a person. Instead of just being a joke repository, I thought I’d introduce you to who I really am because I’ve never tweeted about these things before.
I’m a mom. My son is grown & lives in Chicago. I’m a wife. My husband and I have been together for twenty years. I’m a daughter. I had to leave my home to move in with my mom to take care of her. My dad died 22 years ago. I’m a friend. I’m a comedian. I’m old & sometimes a mess.
You’ll still see jokes here, some admittedly funnier than others. You’ll still see me desperately trying to go viral. You’ll still see me seeking validation because I still plan to be incredibly famous someday. You still won’t see my boobs, but I will occasionally show my ass.
I’m sure this entire thread is wholly unnecessary, but I felt compelled to share, nonetheless. If you made it this far, thank you. Like this tweet and I’ll use your name in my first blockbuster screenplay or streaming service series. Or a stage bit. I’ll be in touch.
If you came for the jokes and don’t care about the personal stuff, I hope you’ll hang around for the former & ignore the latter, but I understand if you unfollow—just know if you do I curse your next 13 lunches to be bland, overcooked, or too salty. Sorry. I don’t make the rules.
I have opinions. Black lives matter. LGBTQ lives matter. Believe women. Believe science. All bodies are beautiful. Trump is garbage. Ron DeSantis is trash. I love my son, and I love being a mom. I love my husband. I love my mom. Being a caretaker is rough. Alzheimer’s sucks.
Much like a Twitter exchange with someone I admire, I’m not sure how to end this but I’m positive I’ve said way too much.
TL;DR—I’m an old married mom, and I have opinions. Also, Alzheimer’s sucks.
