Hey Twitter, c'mere, pull up a chair, let's have a chat for a sec. Yeah, I know, I turned replies off. I am tired.

Look, I'm very open about the fact that I moved here to North Carolina to get out of my marriage because my husband had been verbally abusive.

Part of the reason I'm open about that is that often we have these ideas of who an abuse victim is and who an abuser is and I need you to know that even the person who seems to be very strong may be terrified at home.

By the time I left, I was either sitting in one specific chair in the living room, in the bath tub, or in bed. Those were the only safe places to be.

Today I retweeted a thing about Marion Zimmer Bradley abusing her daughter, Moira Greyland. And someone replied to the tweet without bothering to untag me to suggest that the story needed to be "contextualized" with the information that Greyland is homophobic.

I don't know what that person thinks the usefulness of doing that would be, but as an abuse survivor all I hear is "you'd better be likeable if you expect anyone to care".

It's an old fucking game, making sure survivors know they'd better be perfect.

And then, yknow, discussion around the Odyssey and Odysseus and Telemachus murdering the slave women comes up and... Someone has to chime in to say that we just can't assume the enslaved women were raped, etc etc.

Which is also an old, old game.

I mean why would a man have murdered them if they didn't deserve it, amirite?

I don't fucking know, why did a man who promised to love me as long as we both shall live start blaming me for everything wrong in his life and calling me a useless fucking idiot?

Why do men ever, ever do these things? Like the dudes are gonna have to tell me, because I've lived 44 years as a woman and they do not let me into the meetings where y'all figure that shit out.

The misogyny gets to be a lot, is what I'm saying. The demand to make sure that a story of abuse is "contextualized" with the information that the victim is a bigot, the demand to consider that raped and murdered women had it coming.

Like... I know I don't look or sound like what you think an abuse survivor should. That's the whole point, you can't know over Twitter, you can't know by looking.

But before you drop the classics of misogyny in someone's mentions maybe fucking stop and think about what wounds you might be jamming your filthy fingers into. I left last November. It hasn't even been a year.