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I mentioned having a crisis plan, and thought I'd talk about that a little. 
A crisis plan is a document that you write while you are well that you can refer to when you are not well and feel like you are in danger and you need help, either from others or from your past self.
A crisis plan is a document that you write while you are well that you can refer to when you are not well and feel like you are in danger and you need help, either from others or from your past self.
This is an article that has a basic crisis plan worksheet. Everyone's crisis is different and this article seems to be more weighted towards mental health crises, but it's still a good place to start, so have a peek:
https://mentalhealthrecovery.com/info-center/crisis-plan/
https://mentalhealthrecovery.com/info-center/crisis-plan/
In my opinion, every crisis plan should start by being your past stable self guiding your future in-crisis self. You know yourself best, you know what helps you most but is so easy to forget in the moment. Before we involve other people, get your past self on the case.
If you have ever suddenly had a moment of clarity and said, "Why didn't I think of that sooner, it seems so obvious now?!" WRITE THAT DOWN. Don't let that thought slip into the ether believing you will remember it when you need it most. You won't remember it. Write it down.
The thing about being in crisis is that your focus narrows WAY down. This is actually part of our body's self defense mechanisms, not any kind of failure on our part. This is INTENDED to allow you to give the current danger your undivided attention, but it doesn't help much here.
So even if you are normally able to very easily recall helpful self care stuff, you're NOT going to have the same recall when your nervous system thinks you're being chased by a tiger. Use your "good" moments to put this stuff where you can get at it EASILY in case of tiger.
You may not want to recall past moments of crisis, but if you can, try to think of a place you know for sure you'll be able to EASILY reach your plan.
Not in your fire safe, not in a filing cabinet behind the laundry baskets, not in a folder-in a folder-in a folder on your PC.
Not in your fire safe, not in a filing cabinet behind the laundry baskets, not in a folder-in a folder-in a folder on your PC.
Don't put any obstacles between you and your crisis plan. I understand wanting it to not be something a random person stumbles onto, of course, so like in an envelope is fine but no burying that envelope under anything to hide it. If it is at all inconvenient, it's not helpful.
The very first sheet should be basically a letter to yourself. Loosely put: 'Sup, self, I know things are shitty. If you're reading this, you're already on the right track and I'm proud of you. Here's some of the things I want you to do *right this very second*.'
The stuff that you put there, that's between you and yourself.
It could be stuff that doesn't involve ANYONE but you, or it may involve reaching out to others.
It could be as simple as "Sit down and listen to this music/watch this TV show/put a heating pad on your face."
It could be stuff that doesn't involve ANYONE but you, or it may involve reaching out to others.
It could be as simple as "Sit down and listen to this music/watch this TV show/put a heating pad on your face."
But you start with something you know will give you time to orient yourself. You know what that is - and if you don't, now is the time to learn. Anything that will give you a few minutes to just put the brakes on, stop running from the tiger, give your nervous system a time-out.
If you need a place to start to get ideas, search for 'self regulation strategies' and feel free to privately mock any of the overly positive (toxic positivity) bullshit you may find. (Keep in mind one person's trash is another's treasure so be cautious about *publicly* mocking.)
But regardless of the garbage mixed in with the helpful stuff, you will probably find a couple of strategies that feel right to you. It's all about trying to get your parasympathetic nervous system to wake up and help you out with the rest of the stuff on your crisis plan.
After you get through what I call the crisis plan preamble, you can put every other coping strategy you have ever felt useful to you, just dump them ALL in there. Every minute you're spending doing any of that stuff is a minute you're not harming yourself. Every minute counts.
This is honestly right here - the idea that every minute you're focusing on this is a minute you're not harming yourself - the whole ball of wax. We're forcefully marching ourselves through this crisis second by second. We just need to make it to the other side.
Your crisis plan isn't meant to solve your problems. Your crisis plan is meant to drag you through the crisis, kicking and screaming (or in my case, whimpering and playing ragdoll), until you're on the other side and out of immediate danger.
Use that crisis plan outline PDF from here - that stuff includes the questions like...who do you want with you and who DON'T you want with you? How do you want them with you? What is their role here? What can they do for you that you can't do for yourself?
Don't forget to write down their contact info even if you normally remember it - you might not be able to remember, or you might not be able to communicate with someone to tell them to contact someone else for you. Be able to just point at the paper: "Call Jenny: 867-5309".
Give EXPLICIT instructions for others to follow here. While you should talk with your on-call people as you make this plan to get their consent and cooperation, you can't expect them to remember what you do and don't want in the moment - they may be scared too. Write it down.
The website document mentions this, but you also need be to explicit about which healthcare providers and treatments you're ok with and which you are not.
Absolutely ZERO percent of you are going to remember all of that shit. Write it down. This part is VITALLY important.
Absolutely ZERO percent of you are going to remember all of that shit. Write it down. This part is VITALLY important.
A lot of trauma can be inflicted on people in crisis by really well meaning people who genuinely care but don't know what to do - so they fall back on popular messaging that is actually REALLY HARMFUL AND DANGEROUS.
Write down any "absolutely not"s so this doesn't happen.
Write down any "absolutely not"s so this doesn't happen.
It's also helpful here to include information for health providers like existing health conditions, allergies, current medications, even insurance info if you have it. Basically anything someone would need to fill out for you on a form, in case you can't answer yourself.
That's pretty much the basics, though the website I linked to has other important stuff.
Including how people should know when your crisis is over. That's a tough one, tbh, but you don't want to create a situation where people don't know when to leave you the fuck alone again.
Including how people should know when your crisis is over. That's a tough one, tbh, but you don't want to create a situation where people don't know when to leave you the fuck alone again.
Because at some point you ARE going to want them all to buzz off. They aren't going to want to buzz off until they feel like it's safe to do so.
Consider being willing to place some restrictions on yourself to give them the confidence to leave you alone.
Consider being willing to place some restrictions on yourself to give them the confidence to leave you alone.
Stuff like allowing them to temporarily remove some of the means of harming yourself, without limiting your ability to get through your day or making you dependent on them.
Or agreeing to check-ins with them for a certain period of time.
You should discuss this *in advance*.
Or agreeing to check-ins with them for a certain period of time.
You should discuss this *in advance*.
If you don't discuss it in advance, you may end up giving up too much of your autonomy and this fear may keep you from enacting your crisis plan. For instance, if you're afraid someone will try to take your pills away forever, agree to a timed lock box or to keep a certain #.
Lastly, keep it updated. This is hard. Mine is out of date, actually. A lot has changed. I should probably go through and do it all over again, tbh. That is valuable, to make sure everything in my plan still works for me. It's a hard document to write. It takes a lot of time!
But when you find yourself scared and alone and all of a sudden you don't know WHAT the heck to do, it will save your life. So even if you get only a tiny bit done at a time, that's fine. Work on it bit by bit as you can. It's totally worth it.
Ok I think I'm finally done.
Ok I think I'm finally done.
Starting a separate thread for folks to help each other workshop, share ideas for coping, etc. I've also decided to make my next plan creation an open process and post about it as I go along, and I'll hook that in when that happens. https://twitter.com/jmatwood/status/1286591024437932034?s=19
