DONT GET MARRIED BEFORE: a thread

1. Talk about DEBT

2. FULLY and WILLINGLY committing to one another. No "im not sure" and "what if's" and "its not the right time." you are either in or you're OUT.

3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)

4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.

5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc.

6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack Thereof? Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? VERY important.

7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children....

8. Energy. Does it match? you decide. Follow your gut

9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort.

10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc... figure it out.

11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc.

12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience it’s about the person & what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.

13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know

14. Social media: believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.

15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do y’all have earned & combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it’s not smthing u can afford right now. Get on the same page.

16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks? Breakups? Etc.

17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.

18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.

19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine

20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.