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Longer blog post on this coming soon. Have been having too many of the same convos w/fellow sisters lately on issues related to "womanhood" and "marriage."
I'm going to get blasted for this, but hear me out cause very few sisters will admit what I'm about to tell you.
I'm going to get blasted for this, but hear me out cause very few sisters will admit what I'm about to tell you.
1) Men and women are *fundamentally* different. Most women (and many man) believe whatever men have always done, women *must* do. Also, not having the experiences he's had as a man does not make you inferior. It makes you a woman, which is precisely what a man needs and wants.
2) Most careers can't be reconciled to accommodate for motherhood. You can't (and won't) have it all. Something will give.
3) You're not meant to compete w/him. If you choose to, you lose. Why? Cause you end up w/o the thing you want most: his commitment to & respect for you.
3) You're not meant to compete w/him. If you choose to, you lose. Why? Cause you end up w/o the thing you want most: his commitment to & respect for you.
4) The things that make men attractive to women are NOT the things that make women attractive to men. Your strength & leadership will be respected by any decent man, but they won't necessarily make you attractive to him. Apart from physical attraction,
which both parties care about to varying degrees, categories of attraction across genders differ.
5) Love develops with time. Ditch the "we need chemistry" fantasy. So long as he's physically attractive and meets the other naturally-required criteria that
5) Love develops with time. Ditch the "we need chemistry" fantasy. So long as he's physically attractive and meets the other naturally-required criteria that
women look for in men, the meaningful, long-lasting, life-proof kind of love will come. So many sisters miss out on amazing brothers b/c of this mindset.
6) Lower your voice. Belligerence, rage, lack of self-awareness (especially in the social justice arena) are not good looks for anyone, let alone a female. While every other sister is roaring, be the emotionally mature, poised feminine voice that brings about calmness.
7) Take care of your mental health. We've all got issues, sis. Don't feel bad. Just own whatever Allah has challenged you with by taking care of yourself healthily. Blame no one. Take accountability. To succeed in marriage, you need to be emotionally & spiritually healthy first.
8) Competence builds confidence. Self-conscious about something? Get focused (in a healthy way) on developing or refining that thing. No shortcut will instill real, genuine confidence in you, so put in the time and do the work.
9) "Happy wife, happy life." La-la-la-la-LIES. We don't actually know what makes us happy, bc we don't own & respect our fitra. We'll intimidate men into giving us what we want, believing it's what will make us happy ( #feminism), then lose our souls as we take you down with us.
10) He will treat you the way you allow him to treat you. Maintain self-respect, dignity & integrity.(Fortunately, as a God-fearing Muslim, you're already practicing this daily!) Take yourself seriously as a woman and he will, too. Allah (SWT) has shown us the way. Just do it.
