Read on Twitter
I was in the early stages of my dissertation. I sat at the round table, exhausted, as they criticized my work. I was calm. 1/8 https://twitter.com/academicchatter/status/1285918768300847104
The complaints ran over me, behind me. I felt as if Iâd become aerodynamic to the winds of fault-finding. Iâd been thinking about what was important after years of not being good enough. I nodded as they went point by point. 2/8
Then they started in on meâpersonally. I needed to get better at taking criticism. I wasnât being professional. Wasnât I listening? I needed to take this seriously. 3/8
I was confusedâthey hadnât liked my crying earlier in the program. My new calm wasnât good either.
I nodded, acknowledging that Iâd heard the complaintâthough not in agreement. 4/8
I nodded, acknowledging that Iâd heard the complaintâthough not in agreement. 4/8
When they were finished, I thanked them & gathered my notes and papers. I then walked to my car, drove to the airport, and flew 5 states away to my grandfatherâs funeral. 5/8
I realized: their complaints werenât for my benefit. It was for theirs. They wanted my reaction. They did not know my inner life or what I was learning. They did not know me or my worth or what I was swimming against. Sometimes my pain was their point. 6/8
Their evaluation of you only matters practically, in practical outcomes. It has nothing to do with who you are or your worth or potential abilities. Only you know that. Only those who love you know that. 7/8
Be careful of the opinions of you that you value. Very few people deserve it.
Evenâor sometimes especiallyâadvisors in PhD programs. 8/8
Evenâor sometimes especiallyâadvisors in PhD programs. 8/8
