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we stand with survivors everywhere.
don’t think for a minute that the abuse of teens (esp girls + non cis ppl) in music today is limited to Burger Records and their roster.
the entitlement to young fans’ bodies, and the exploitation of the (often gendered) pwr imbalance between star and fan, is as fundamental 1/
the entitlement to young fans’ bodies, and the exploitation of the (often gendered) pwr imbalance between star and fan, is as fundamental 1/
2/to popular music as the music itself. shitty people in bands at every level engage in and perpetuate this culture as their right.
these teens are the driving force at the heart of every popular music scene. bands’ careers depend on their support. and they never get the credit.
these teens are the driving force at the heart of every popular music scene. bands’ careers depend on their support. and they never get the credit.
it is important to explicitly state that there is no such thing as a young teen being mature for their age.
thru socialization under patriarchy, young girls + non cis ppl are manipulated into believing the coveted status of maturity is dependent on their ability to handle any situation on their own (esp those involving older ppl), while being disempowered to set boundaries.
it cannot be understated that this highly gendered concept of “maturity” is built upon a foundational evil that ppl who experience misogyny are raised with: their worth and sexual desirability (in the eyes of men) are one and the same.
older men award “maturity” to young teens based on their sexual performance and submission (ex. “the cool girl”), or punish and discredit them for speaking up/setting boundaries.
all of this is not to say that these teens are not mature, but rather men are allowed + supported
all of this is not to say that these teens are not mature, but rather men are allowed + supported
to stay immature and underdeveloped their entire lives without consequence, and at the expense of everyone else.
Cis men: good intentions don’t matter. good intentions have raped people. do the work of reflecting on your sexual relationships thru a critical lens, taking responsibility, learning how to apologize, feeling your feelings and learning how to express them, learning how to listen,
practicing empathy, and STANDING UP WITH YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS for women, nb people, and trans people.
I have found that the stumbling block of so many cis men I have cared for in my life is their fear and insecurity around being a “good man”.
I have found that the stumbling block of so many cis men I have cared for in my life is their fear and insecurity around being a “good man”.
in a time of increased visibility around issues of gendered violence, I have known many men whose greatest fear is being “a bad one”; having been socialized to center themselves, they fall prey to a viscous cycle of anxiety and insecurity that bars them from listening.
many cis men, do not have the tools to work through these feelings and are thus unable to hold space for others (trans + nb ppl, women) who are trying to share their truth.
how many women + non cis ppl have had the experience of trying to tell a man “you have hurt me”, only to find themselves comforting this man as he wallows in his horror at the discovery of patriarchal violence living within him?
this dynamic is of course also experienced by POC with white ppl around issues of racism, and it is crucial to forever keep in mind how experiences of misogyny are compounded by racism for POC and Black ppl.
the process of accountability, healing, and growth is deeply complicated and I don’t know what the answer is. for men who are disturbed by what they are seeing, what I can say is this: the most important thing you can do is to stop making your checklist of ways you are a good man
Stop centering your personal fear. START centering the feelings of women, cis/non cis, in ur life and in ur relationships; breathe through your anxiety, make note of what to self reflect on and process later (hopefully with other men you can trust!), and HOLD SPACE for survivors.
as a cis woman whose teenage years were deeply colored by the grooming/gaslighting/abuse I experienced at the hands of men older than me, and as a teen who coveted the false prize of maturity, these stories are all too familiar. they enrage me.
all the men who took advantage of me were extremely well liked, “normal”, “nice” men - never forget that one does not need fame to take advantage of the power in age difference. it took years for me to fully understand how my power and agency had been undermined.
this post is written in response to the implosion we are witnessing of a hyper heteronormative scene and its shitty bands, and from my experience as a cis woman - I wanted to specifically hilight the way misogyny is integral to concepts of maturity within this context.
however, these power structures &the predatory behavior of older people towards young people exist everywhere & it’s our responsibility to remain vigilant &make spaces inclusive for teens of all genders at every single show.
the future of indie looks nothing like Burger Records.
the future of indie looks nothing like Burger Records.
solidarity and love to all survivors. we hear you, and we stand with you.
sus + sour widows
sus + sour widows
