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November 10th 2018, I attempted suicide. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want to face the pain i was going through. From being bullied to being sexually assulted it all happened to me, i was a broken girl that just wanted a way out. I called my friends and family and told -
Them i loved them and that i was sorry, my sister continuously messaged me telling me she loved me, my parents were sending me videos of them crying telling me not to go that broke me. I sat on a wall next to London Bridge and waited for the moment it felt right to jump off.
My friend begged me to speak to her mother, a lady that has been through similar situations as me and has schizophrenia due to the way others treated her. She told me it wasn’t my fault, she spoke to me for an hour and she told me to wait
I don’t know how she did it but i waited, they came to pick me up and the way they hugged me and cried while telling me not to ever leave bro that done something to me. That day i had 198113 spliffs, two days after i was sectioned
I walked into the hospital and saw a girl i went to school with, I met so many different people and for the first time in my life i felt at home. I felt normal. As i spoke to them i opened up about my life and they did the same, for hours we discussed how to improve
I wrote a journal and noted down how my days were going. The first page i was blaming myself for everything that has happened, the day i left I didn’t write anything, i told myself it was time to change. It was hard, I still go through things daily but it’s different now
Since that day i have not self harmed, not once. I learned different skills, i got myself a job and started working. It was really difficult, being around people gave me ptsd but i did it. I decided to open up my own business and left the place i was working at
5 months down the line (now) i have a business on my name, i now know my worth, even though i have been through fuckeries i know having a life other than the one I deserve (which is an amazing one) is above me.
The reason I’m telling you this all is because i know there’s many that are struggling and I can’t keep this all to myself knowing it might help somone. I know shit gets tough but you deserve to be happy.
I can’t sugar coat it, it was tough but I’m here and let me tell you taking the road to a better life is worth it and I promise you we are here to listen. Its time to embrace you, its time to live your life to the fullest unapologetically. You got this, i love you all
People care, we care, i care. If you ever need someone to talk to theres many of us that will listen for hours. Mental health is a very real thing and people need to understand that. Be kind to one another, you genuinely don’t know what others are going through
Im about to go work but ill get back to you all when i can, i love you all loadsss
