I started to watch Zac Efron’s Down to Earth Iceland episode (don’t ask) and within the first five minutes they have suggested a volcano is overdue for an eruption (volcanoes are never overdue, that’s not how they work) and he has a “wellness expert” with him (which, sigh).

Now they’re baking bread because geothermal activity means the soil is hot. This is fine, except Efron and his wellness human seem way too impressed that a country built out of volcanoes has hot soil. Every few moments, they’re like: WOAH, it’s HOT DOWN THERE! THAT’S CRAZY.

Zac is impressed by the appearance of smoked trout. “That’s smoked trout!?” Everything is ah-may-zing.

They’re now explaining that you can cross over from the Eurasian tectonic plate to the North American plate in Iceland! That’s true! But then he says that “the friction from the shifting plates releases magma” which is bullshit.

I mean, they already said the plates are moving *apart*, so it ain’t friction. A large part of it comes down to the upwelling of mantle material here (the squishy but largely solid bit of Earth below the crust) that, as it rises, it decompresses, which causes melting = magma.

They’re visiting geothermal plants now.

“This is one of four geothermal plants in Iceland,” says Wellness.
Zac thinks that is “sick.”
“Now that is a building, for sure,” says Wellness, seeing a building.

Who is this show for? I can’t quite get it.

A wild geologist appears! That’s nice.

Wellness then compares Iceland to Jurassic Park before asking where the UFOs are and wonders what Iceland is *really* doing with its geothermal energy.

Now they’re talking about carbon capture using volcanic rock. For sure, this will help the fight against climate change, but we need to draw emissions down first and foremost.

Wellness: “This could be an answer for many industries around the world that have excess CO2.” Okay.

Now Zac and Wellness are getting their kit off to jump in very cold and then very hot water. FOR SCIENCE!

More massage bullshit. I’m about as interested in this as I am about celery.

Zac: “Being a Viking has never felt so good.”

I mean, I don’t think massages were what they were renowned for...

Chocolate now. Zac marvels at molten chocolate. It’s pretty thick. He thinks you could never have a river of this.

Lava disagrees.

This is so weird. Why is Zac presenting this? To borrow a phrase form Charlie Brooker, it’s like watching a dog try to fly a helicopter.

Zac fucked up making chocolate. “Who knew failing could taste so bad?” He quickly scarpers, like he left a turd in someone’s desk drawer.

WHY ARE THEY DOING IMPRESSIONS OF SANTA?

There was just a long random section about waterfalls filled with random facts about water.

Then, Zac launches an idiot torpedo.

“Water in motion produces negative ions which are known to relieve stress, reduce tension, fight depression and increase energy.”

What...the fuck?

That’s like saying cheese contains positive ions, which helps you speak to leopards and fight evil spirits. It’s such a weird dumb word salad.

They’re now looking at water moving underground and are all like WHAT? WATER IS MOVING IN A CAVE OMG MY LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER

They leave the “giant alien tunnel.”

Zac: “Part of seeing the elements - like wind, Sun and even oceans waves - are things that everyone could be doing more of.”

Ooh, they’re going to Dill! This is a fantastic place to eat in Reykjavík, home to one of the best meals I’ve ever had. This is great.

As they look at the food and be confused, I googled Wellness.

“Darin Olien, the original formulator of Shakeology and co-creator of the comprehensive plant-based Ultimate Reset 21-day detoxification program, is often called the Indiana Jones of superfoods.”

I...hate this.

Blue Lagoon now, powered by the geothermal energy plants.

They’ve said geothermal a lot but haven’t once explained what that word means. It’s esssntially magic at this point.

Oh thank goodness, just a few minutes left.

The outro. Zac is looking thoughtfully at the water.

“Long term survival on this planet for us, and for all generations after us, is a pretty good idea,” he says. A revelation!

I laugh, loudly. My dog woke up with a start. Sorry Lola. The crap is going away now. Back to sleep!

The message: don’t fight nature, work with it!

Ohhhhhh.

And it’s over! That was awful. I turned off Netflix just as I heard the intro to the next episode, which has something to do with a healing shrine.

TV execs: please stop getting entirely unqualified (and weirdly uncharismatic) celebrities and “wellness experts” to talk about science, health and technology when there are so many great science communicators already out there. :)

To the people saying “a scientist wouldn’t get anywhere near as many people to watch this show”: you can do a show like this, where a celebrity learns as they go, taking the audience with them, sure! But bring a scientist with them, and don’t dress up pseudoscience as science!

Don’t bring a wellness expert into it who has the scientific knowledge and charisma of a smashed watermelon. I can’t think of a worse time to mix up science and bullshit and somehow present them as equals.

And to the people saying “well Zac is trying his best”, I mean, you could replace him with a capybara and marvel at how hard the capybara is trying to science. Doesn’t make it a good TV show, though. (Although I would definitely watch a show involving a globetrotting capybara...)