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In my last tweet, I said "...I've done a LOT of growing in my life without leaving a trail of bodies in my wake".
I want to talk about the nuance of hurt, the messiness of being a human being, and the ways in which public apologies can manipulate even the best of us.
I want to talk about the nuance of hurt, the messiness of being a human being, and the ways in which public apologies can manipulate even the best of us.
We all hurt people. Ok? We've all hurt people, and we will probably do it again. Most of the time it's accidental. We often dont even know it happened. It happens despite the best of intentions. People are messy, life is messy, we're all constantly figuring out how to be our best
This is part of HOW we learn to be "a good person".
When we're kids, we play fight, we wrassle around. Sometimes you take it too far. The playfight abruptly ends. Your friend cries. You didn't mean to hurt them, and yet, you did.
Next time? Maybe you don't play so hard. Growth!
When we're kids, we play fight, we wrassle around. Sometimes you take it too far. The playfight abruptly ends. Your friend cries. You didn't mean to hurt them, and yet, you did.
Next time? Maybe you don't play so hard. Growth!
This happens in different contexts throughout our lives.
I'm not a perfect person! None of us are. I've hurt people. I've hurt friends, partners, probably random strangers. On purpose? No. But they're hurt all the same.
You recalibrate & grow.
"Next time I won't play so hard"
I'm not a perfect person! None of us are. I've hurt people. I've hurt friends, partners, probably random strangers. On purpose? No. But they're hurt all the same.
You recalibrate & grow.
"Next time I won't play so hard"
When I wrote "I havent left a trail of bodies in my wake", I had a moment of pause. "Is that true? I've hurt people. Is this hypocritical?"
But there is nuance to hurt.
Forgetting your gf's birthday
isn't the same as sexually assaulting literal dozens of women for YEARS ffs
But there is nuance to hurt.
Forgetting your gf's birthday
isn't the same as sexually assaulting literal dozens of women for YEARS ffs
Ive done a LOT of growing in my life. Ive also hurt people. But I haven't COMMITTED CRIMES (like sexual assault).
I did not need to RAPE PEOPLE to grow as a person. If someone insinuates that is reasonable, *they are trying to manipulate you to overlook their crimes*!
I did not need to RAPE PEOPLE to grow as a person. If someone insinuates that is reasonable, *they are trying to manipulate you to overlook their crimes*!
We all have things we cringe about YEARS later, things we regret, would have done differently with the benefit of hindsight. People we treated badly, who deserved better.
There's a BIG grey area between "perfect" & "predator" and we all fit somewhere uncomfortably in the middle
There's a BIG grey area between "perfect" & "predator" and we all fit somewhere uncomfortably in the middle
When ppl who are *serial predators* who *sexually assault and harass* ppl for *literal decades*? That's not the same severity as who cheated on their high school gf once
Predators are RELYING on you conflating this. It's a mass-grooming to cultivate the benefit of doubt FOR THEM
Predators are RELYING on you conflating this. It's a mass-grooming to cultivate the benefit of doubt FOR THEM
None of us are perfect humans, but that doesn't mean that our myriad imperfections and past mistakes mean it is hypocrisy to hold predators and abusers to task.
PLEASE, don't let them convince you otherwise.
PLEASE, don't let them convince you otherwise.
Im probably writing my own warrant for trying to have a conversation about nuance on TWITTER, the platform notorious for nuking all forms of nuance from orbit, so pls look forward to my 17 follow-ups where I explain why I wasn't even talking about the thing someone is offended by
And to be absolutely clear in my intentions, this thread is largely intended for well-meaning dudes who don't realize the damage inherent to the act of "accepting" a predators apology. It's a request for that instinct of forgiveness to be evaluated.
