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Why literally every single Swedish King and Queen sucked, a thread:
GUSTAV VASA
Swedish George Washington? More of a Putin guy really. This asshole had his political enemies, even friends, assassinated on the reg. Also known to PERSONALLY beat up bailiffs he didn’t like. A king out here throwing hands. Come on my guy let the goon squad handle it
Swedish George Washington? More of a Putin guy really. This asshole had his political enemies, even friends, assassinated on the reg. Also known to PERSONALLY beat up bailiffs he didn’t like. A king out here throwing hands. Come on my guy let the goon squad handle it
ERIK XIV
This fkn guy was literally insane. Threw his brother in prison because of paranoia and made a nobleman do a Cersei-style walk of shame through Sthlm + later stabbed him to death. In the end, Erik was killed by poison. By whom? Eh, no one really cared. Sick armour though
This fkn guy was literally insane. Threw his brother in prison because of paranoia and made a nobleman do a Cersei-style walk of shame through Sthlm + later stabbed him to death. In the end, Erik was killed by poison. By whom? Eh, no one really cared. Sick armour though
JOHAN III
Much like Gustav Vasa, J3 was aggressive, violent, prone to throwing tantrums and paranoid. But he lacked his father’s intelligence, pragmatism and strategic mind. So what’s left? A guy who sucked, that’s what. Probably poisoned that other asshole.
Much like Gustav Vasa, J3 was aggressive, violent, prone to throwing tantrums and paranoid. But he lacked his father’s intelligence, pragmatism and strategic mind. So what’s left? A guy who sucked, that’s what. Probably poisoned that other asshole.
SIGISMUND
King of Poland AND Sweden which never sat right with me. Didn’t really sit right with Sweden and Poland either, tbh. He declared war on us twice WHILE WEARING OUR CROWN and took back-to-back L’s. Sucked so much that we said yeah that’s enough of that and kicked him out
King of Poland AND Sweden which never sat right with me. Didn’t really sit right with Sweden and Poland either, tbh. He declared war on us twice WHILE WEARING OUR CROWN and took back-to-back L’s. Sucked so much that we said yeah that’s enough of that and kicked him out
KARL IX
When this fucking guy died he left Sweden to deal with three different wars simultaneously: Denmark, Poland and Russia.
He did have time to finish one war though, but of course lost it.
0 for 4. Nice going, dimwit.
Also worst comb-over of all time.
When this fucking guy died he left Sweden to deal with three different wars simultaneously: Denmark, Poland and Russia.
He did have time to finish one war though, but of course lost it.
0 for 4. Nice going, dimwit.
Also worst comb-over of all time.
GUSTAV II ADOLF
Made us one of the most powerful nations on earth so I’ll give him props for that. Was on his way to dunk on the Emperor but allowed himself to get killed because of some fog. Weak. If he’d read the forecast correctly Angela Merkel would be speaking Swedish today
Made us one of the most powerful nations on earth so I’ll give him props for that. Was on his way to dunk on the Emperor but allowed himself to get killed because of some fog. Weak. If he’d read the forecast correctly Angela Merkel would be speaking Swedish today
Also this bullshit happened on his watch and I ain’t forget.
KRISTINA
C-c-c-combo breaker! A Queen! Too bad she sucked too. Daddy lays the foundation of a Swedish Empire and this b*tch abdicates the throne and fucks off to Rome to do ecstasy or something. That’s just poor leadership.
C-c-c-combo breaker! A Queen! Too bad she sucked too. Daddy lays the foundation of a Swedish Empire and this b*tch abdicates the throne and fucks off to Rome to do ecstasy or something. That’s just poor leadership.
KARL X GUSTAV
Charles in Charge (nope, not a thing) brought Denmark to their filthy knees by leading an entire army across the frozen sea which is an all-time legendary move but he also ate himself to death which is disappointing to say the least.
Charles in Charge (nope, not a thing) brought Denmark to their filthy knees by leading an entire army across the frozen sea which is an all-time legendary move but he also ate himself to death which is disappointing to say the least.
Karl XI
Imagine burning a whole Swedish city to the ground because you don’t like their attitude to the troops. Well this fucking guy didn’t just imagine it, he went ahead and did it. The absolute madman.
Also: Lion?
Imagine burning a whole Swedish city to the ground because you don’t like their attitude to the troops. Well this fucking guy didn’t just imagine it, he went ahead and did it. The absolute madman.
Also: Lion?
KARL XII
Much like Sweden at the 2008 Euros, Kalle Dussin started out well before getting fucking wrecked by the Russians. Ten years later: killed by his own troops. After getting fucking wrecked by the Danish. Stick a fork in the Swedish Empire because at this point it’s DONE.
Much like Sweden at the 2008 Euros, Kalle Dussin started out well before getting fucking wrecked by the Russians. Ten years later: killed by his own troops. After getting fucking wrecked by the Danish. Stick a fork in the Swedish Empire because at this point it’s DONE.
ULRIKA ELEONORA
This woman was a stubborn grudge-holder known for demonstrating disapproval by going to bed. Which has to be in the conversation for weakest clapback move of all damn time.
Also created a record 181 new noblemen which just seems excessive. Probably assholes.
This woman was a stubborn grudge-holder known for demonstrating disapproval by going to bed. Which has to be in the conversation for weakest clapback move of all damn time.
Also created a record 181 new noblemen which just seems excessive. Probably assholes.
FREDRIK I
Strike 1: Being German.
Strike 2: Fucking us over with the Treaty of Nystad, making him the OG Russian Colluder 300 years before Trump.
Strike 3: Had a 16-yo lover at 54.
Say it with me: C-A-N-C-E-L-E-D
Strike 1: Being German. Strike 2: Fucking us over with the Treaty of Nystad, making him the OG Russian Colluder 300 years before Trump. Strike 3: Had a 16-yo lover at 54. Say it with me: C-A-N-C-E-L-E-D
ADOLF FREDRIK
Ugh, another German. Wtf was going on in the 18th century? I’ll tell you what was going on: Russia. They secretly put this guy on the throne but joke’s on them because he sucked so much he had zero influence. Can’t spell Adolf Fredrik without an L.
Ugh, another German. Wtf was going on in the 18th century? I’ll tell you what was going on: Russia. They secretly put this guy on the throne but joke’s on them because he sucked so much he had zero influence. Can’t spell Adolf Fredrik without an L.
GUSTAV III
Founder of Svenska Akademien which didn’t turn out that well, did it?
Bought a Caribbean island so Sweden could do slave trading. Yikes.
Also opposed the French Revolution because buddies with Louis XVI n em.
Wrong side of history much?
Assassinated :)
Founder of Svenska Akademien which didn’t turn out that well, did it?
Bought a Caribbean island so Sweden could do slave trading. Yikes.
Also opposed the French Revolution because buddies with Louis XVI n em.
Wrong side of history much?
Assassinated :)
GUSTAV IV ADOLF
We had Finland for 700 yrs before this guy comes along, gets bitchslapped by Napoleon and ends up losing the whole damn thing to Russia. I do find comfort in the fact that he was ousted and roamed like a hobo for years before dying a brokeboi in Switzerland lol
We had Finland for 700 yrs before this guy comes along, gets bitchslapped by Napoleon and ends up losing the whole damn thing to Russia. I do find comfort in the fact that he was ousted and roamed like a hobo for years before dying a brokeboi in Switzerland lol
KARL XIII
Likely involved with the assassination of his own brother Gustav III, so moral fiber: questionable. As king he was forced to adopt a Danish prince who conveniently was poisoned to death shortly thereafter. Not gonna say K13 was responsible but not gonna say he wasn’t
Likely involved with the assassination of his own brother Gustav III, so moral fiber: questionable. As king he was forced to adopt a Danish prince who conveniently was poisoned to death shortly thereafter. Not gonna say K13 was responsible but not gonna say he wasn’t
KARL XIV JOHAN
Not exactly an alpha move by us going to France to pick a random general to start a new royal family but here we are, still stuck with the Bernadottes to this day. The police fined me 800kr for peeing behind his statue in an Örebro park once so yeah def not a fan
Not exactly an alpha move by us going to France to pick a random general to start a new royal family but here we are, still stuck with the Bernadottes to this day. The police fined me 800kr for peeing behind his statue in an Örebro park once so yeah def not a fan
OSCAR I
Don’t really know anything about this guy but he looks like an absolute douche-canoe so I’m gonna go ahead and assume he sucked too.
Don’t really know anything about this guy but he looks like an absolute douche-canoe so I’m gonna go ahead and assume he sucked too.
KARL XV GUSTAV
Inexplicably got himself involved whenever there was a fire in the city but would only make things worse being chaotic and hot-headed. Firemen hated him and I’m not gonna say he inadvertently killed people but yeah he probably inadvertently killed people.
Inexplicably got himself involved whenever there was a fire in the city but would only make things worse being chaotic and hot-headed. Firemen hated him and I’m not gonna say he inadvertently killed people but yeah he probably inadvertently killed people.
OSCAR II
Imagine being king for 35 years and the only legacy you leave behind is your face on a box of gingerbread cookies.
They’re not even that good.
Imagine being king for 35 years and the only legacy you leave behind is your face on a box of gingerbread cookies.
They’re not even that good.
GUSTAV V
All this guy did was play tennis. Day in, day out. He was king during both world wars but didn’t even register that they took place.
People think Borggårdstalet of 1914 was a political address but really he was just ranting about the merits of the two-handed backhand
All this guy did was play tennis. Day in, day out. He was king during both world wars but didn’t even register that they took place.
People think Borggårdstalet of 1914 was a political address but really he was just ranting about the merits of the two-handed backhand
GUSTAV VI ADOLF
Scene: All the kings and queens in heaven discussing their legacies
King Arthur: “I defeated the Saxons with the greatest Knights the world has ever seen”
Queen Isabella: “I led Spain into The New World”
King Gustav VI Adolf: “I was a big archeology guy”
Scene: All the kings and queens in heaven discussing their legacies
King Arthur: “I defeated the Saxons with the greatest Knights the world has ever seen”
Queen Isabella: “I led Spain into The New World”
King Gustav VI Adolf: “I was a big archeology guy”
CARL XVI GUSTAF
Ok so this guy is actually still alive and I’m not trying to catch a lawsuit but I think we can all agree that this coin
Ok so this guy is actually still alive and I’m not trying to catch a lawsuit but I think we can all agree that this coin
